So, entry #2 for Saturday. This one sucks but I have to get it off my chest. I havent even told Jessica yet. I hate bringing her down with me. I found out that two of my old friends just got on FDNY. For those of you who do not know what that means..... New York Fire Dept. The best of the best. What none of you know is that my life long dream is to become a career fire fighter, in NYC. What kills me is when I scored perfectly on the test, and passed the agility test, (barely), I never went forward with the interview. Pretty much gave up, even though I was on the path of making my dream come true. When I heard the news about the two old friends it killed me. I actually lost my breath. That could have been me.
And a lot sooner than them. But I gave up. I even took my name off the F.D. list where I grew up. Why? I dont know. Maybe I am afraid to put myself in an even harder spot.
Anger and jealousy. That is what I am feeling right now. And its nobody's fault but my own.
I guess the only good news is that it's not TOO late. I can take the exam again when it comes up, and this time do it.
I think this may be what I needed. Hearing about the two getting hired I mean. I think I needed a swift punch in the chest. And that news certainly felt like it.
I feel horrible. Jessica wants so bad to know what is bothering me, and I feel stupid to tell her. I guess I really cant complain. Like I said. It's my fault.
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it was a missed oppertunity but its not too late to try again.
Don't be weird about telling Jessica. She cares about you and I bet she could make you feel a little bit better about the whole deal.