beatnik

I hate this weather. You get really fucking hot, and we've got a pool, so i jump in for a half-hour to cool down, but when you get out the weather' STILL really fucking hot, but you're body is 15 degrees cooler, so the weather feels fucking HOTTER. GOD DAMNIT!

I don't like this feeling of being in limbo... this sense that the egg could tip down either side of the roof. I feel I'm beginning to loose control of circumstances or decisions in my life that I should have complete control over.

The thought that certain things are beyond my grasp no matter how fucking hard I try is completely terrifying to me.

I couldn't tell you for how many years I've sat around waiting for things to happen to me. My life reads like a movie screenplay. I sometimes think things ought to happen simply because they were written that way - that I was a character designed to play this role, and that innevitably things will happen because that's why I'm here. But for too long I've been the product of someone elses hand.

I wish I could take control again. I feel like I'm in a liferaft in the middle of the ocean.



Here's some Wisconsin photography to round out the journal.