Friday Jan 07, 2005

0
i think there's something seriously wrong with me

i have this horrible habit of denying myself happiness. i spend all my time focusing on everything that's wrong that i completely blind myself from seeing everything that's right - everything that's perfect and beautiful and pure.

i don't know what it is..... have i become that afraid of complacency? can i ever just let myself sit back and look at something and say "I'm happy." this makes me sad...... its live ive become addicted to creating this drama in my life that I unconsciously refuse everything that good.

its the scariest feeling when you think you're spending all your time trying to find peace and then suddenly discover all you're really doing is just getting further and further away from it. frown
kitschy:
I totally struggled with this when I was about 24, 25. In order to get rid of the drama, I had to get rid of some friends. I remember that you were dealing with some stuff concerning the people you surround yourself with... I'm not prescribing that you do anything, but if you were thinking it, just know that its a road some people take.

I was all wound up in negativity, and it got so bad I was no fun to be around, and I started drinking waaay too much and even kicked a few holes in walls! Not a good place. Quit a couple destructive friendships, broke up with a boyfriend, moved out of an apartment, and went to therapy! biggrin All better. Not over night, but eventually.

Anyway, you don't sound that bad, but in my experience, that is what the 20's were about. I hear alot of such grumblings on these boards by you youngsters.... So yes, concentrate on the positive, and you will draw it to you!!!!! biggrin
teh_asspope:
Wow, do I know where you are coming from on that one. My therapist says I'm afraid of success and that I spend all of my time sabotaging my life so I can constantly be in a state of panic and live on the edge of collapse. What a nightmare to know that it is MYSELF that causes all of the trouble.

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