Friday: Wake up at ass crack of dawn, get in imagoldfish's car, stop every 20 minutes or so for photobooth hilariity, krispy kreme donuts, dirty chai, cheesey fries, etc. Finally make it to Iowa at around 4 pm. Get left in hotel room by my lonesome with bottle of Jameson and cable television. Watch reality TV. Drink 1/8 bottle of Jameson. Take long contemplative bath. Watch reality TV. Drink 1/8 bottle of Jameson. Eat bacon wrapped breadsticks that have been lovingly snuck in via sleeves and purses. Host massive party in hotel room. Pass out in hotel room next door while party rages until 4 am.
Saturday: Wake up at the lower back of dawn (not quite ass crack, but still early enough to hurt). Smoke cigarettes in bed with imagoldfish. Drive to kafe for breakfast sammitches. Help set up chairs for wedding. Go back to hotel room for more chain smoking and reality TV watching. Get ready for wedding by drinking awful winecoolers and removing leg hair. Get dolled up. Roll into wedding circa 4 pm. Cry a little, laugh a lot. Roll into reception and proceed to shovel ungodly amounts of gourmet food into piehole (butternut squash soup, rasberry sorbet, filet mignon with cheese/rosemary mashers and green beans, varietal cheese plate, cakes, tortes, etc.). Frequent open bar for shots of Patron. Get second wind as the dance floor starts to bustle. Dance like a maniac until the open bar turns into a cash bar. Exchange room numbers with groomsman. Get on drunk van back to hotel. Wonder about groomsman. Pass out in hotel room while groomsman wanders around outside.
Sunday: Wake up. Smoke cigarettes in bed with imagoldfish. The following dialogue ensues:
"I'm not wearing any clothes."
"Me, too!"
"We rule!"
Go back to kafe for breakfast. Introduce Imagoldfish to the glory of biscuits and gravy. Feel mostly like death for most of the day. Pass out in backseat of car for most of the ride home. Stop at Denny's for fried food. Get back to chicago. Decide to fight fire with fire by visiting neighborhood watering hole. Wonder about making a move on smokin' hot bartender. Chicken out. Say goodbye to old friends. Conquer touchy porn machine. Have three more "one last drinks." Go home. Pass out in bed with Imagoldfish.
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weddings are so exhausting. and Iowa is flat and full of corn.
Saturday: Wake up at the lower back of dawn (not quite ass crack, but still early enough to hurt). Smoke cigarettes in bed with imagoldfish. Drive to kafe for breakfast sammitches. Help set up chairs for wedding. Go back to hotel room for more chain smoking and reality TV watching. Get ready for wedding by drinking awful winecoolers and removing leg hair. Get dolled up. Roll into wedding circa 4 pm. Cry a little, laugh a lot. Roll into reception and proceed to shovel ungodly amounts of gourmet food into piehole (butternut squash soup, rasberry sorbet, filet mignon with cheese/rosemary mashers and green beans, varietal cheese plate, cakes, tortes, etc.). Frequent open bar for shots of Patron. Get second wind as the dance floor starts to bustle. Dance like a maniac until the open bar turns into a cash bar. Exchange room numbers with groomsman. Get on drunk van back to hotel. Wonder about groomsman. Pass out in hotel room while groomsman wanders around outside.
Sunday: Wake up. Smoke cigarettes in bed with imagoldfish. The following dialogue ensues:
"I'm not wearing any clothes."
"Me, too!"
"We rule!"
Go back to kafe for breakfast. Introduce Imagoldfish to the glory of biscuits and gravy. Feel mostly like death for most of the day. Pass out in backseat of car for most of the ride home. Stop at Denny's for fried food. Get back to chicago. Decide to fight fire with fire by visiting neighborhood watering hole. Wonder about making a move on smokin' hot bartender. Chicken out. Say goodbye to old friends. Conquer touchy porn machine. Have three more "one last drinks." Go home. Pass out in bed with Imagoldfish.
--
weddings are so exhausting. and Iowa is flat and full of corn.
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
imagoldfish:
I can't believe that you had never heard of MY FAVORITE GODDAMN KIND OF PIE.
puddincat:
Awesome weekend- you sound like the kind of chicks I need to be chillin' with!!!