bbellicose

The TMI Report- (a.k.a. Still think Im hot??)

I ate a whole watermelon today and I peed every 10 minutes for the next 3 hours.

I have noticed since I started losing weight that my boobs are getting smaller. I am not sure if I feel happy or sad about that.

The last girl I kissed tasted like cloves and pepperoni.

I tried to do self-tanner spray last week and accidentally tanned my nooni.

I got depressed recently and forgot to brush my teeth for three days.

I also didnt shower.

I cleaned off my kitchen counter yesterday and found a month old baby banana.

I cleaned out my car and found a week old vanilla steamer.

I had a nasty cold this week and when I woke up, my lips were raw from breathing through my mouth and my nose was clogged with the thickest snot I have experienced.

I am a self-proclaimed ethnic trail mix, which means that every now and then, I have to do serious hair maintenance. Yesterday, while tweezing my brows, I accidentally poked myself in the tear duct. (painful and stupid)

I have completely lost track of my cycle, which is understandable since it is about as easy to track these days as a stealth bomber. I feel like I am in middle school again. Sheesh.

I had a dream in which my friend Tazer was doing body shots with my old boss.this may not seem gross to the general public, but trust me, its really gross.

I went out with some friends recently and after several drinks, many of them started having sex. I was suddenly like a Jehovahs Witness kid at the Christmas party. I didnt know what to do with myself and I certainly couldnt participate. Then suddenly, everybody switched partners and I, as if simply watching American Idol, watched again, unfazed, and realized that I may, in fact, be desensitized to sex and nudity.


LATE BREAKING NEWS: I just got a job! Yay! Looks like I will be the early morning front desk attendant for a spa/fitness center. Hooray! Somebody buy me a drink.... I haven't gotten paid yet.