Sorry if I'm not posting comments in your journals today.
I'm just, not in the mood.
I'm fucking tired.
I didn't go to bed until like, 2:00 last night.
Not a great idea.
I was on the phone fighting with Jason.
I don't even want to do this anymore.
It's too much work and at the end of the day I don't even know why I want him.
I like him and his qualities, a lot.
But when I tour my head looking for reasons why...
I can't find any.
He's a GREAT guy. He treats me well.
He's stable, has his shit together..
Makes good money..
and takes care of me.
But I can't go on living a facade.
It's not there.
My feelings for him AREN'T there.
I wish I wasn't such a confusing fucking girl.
I know that my actions make every guy not even want to try with us chicks.
But seriously.. If I know he's not the one why would I try to stick it out?
Yes, I'm sure a relationship COULD work.
Hell, it wouldn't even be bad.
We're compatible.
But it takes a little more.
I broke up with him.
----------
In other news.
The rest of my downpayment for the Scion is due Saturday.
I'm about.......... oh, 400 dollars short.
My payroll check was 200 short.
Small month.
I was gonna borrow the Cash from J.
But I don't think that's gonna happen now.
It just sucks.
Once I get past this hurdle it should be smooth sailing.
I make enough fucking money.
I just don't have it right now.
ARGH!
Anyone want to donate?
I'm sure you're all broke, too.
---------
Life is kicking my ass right now.
---------
News Update.
Jason Fought
papaoso1112: On the way home last nite around 4 i stoped by a old coworkers place and we slept together
Bbbbbeckah: That's your business.
Bbbbbeckah: I'm jealous, yeah. But I knew it'd happen. You talk to a lot of chicks. so whatever.
Bbbbbeckah: You can pick up all your shit from my house on monday.. bring mine.
papaoso1112: No its not u needed to know and if were gonna do this we gotta be real aboutit right
Bbbbbeckah: yeah, I'm really not going to try anymore with you.
Bbbbbeckah: that's real enough for me.
papaoso1112: Do u hate me?
Bbbbbeckah: A little bit.
papaoso1112: Why i thought u wanted more or to know if there could be
Bbbbbeckah: I just decided that it's not going to work and I don't want to try.
papaoso1112: Im coo with what we agreed on and friends till we know and i know that if thats what were trying for i know it wont happen again
Bbbbbeckah: It's too late Jason. I'm done.
papaoso1112: I dont wanna see other people or sleep around i just wanna know with u
papaoso1112: All because i slept with someone u dont wanna try now and u know were lost
Bbbbbeckah: No, because we BOTH slept with someone. You don't see that as a problem? Theres a deeper reason why we both did it.
Bbbbbeckah: it's causing too much drama and I don't want it.
papaoso1112: It hasnt happen d b4 and wont again till we know
Bbbbbeckah: Jason.
Bbbbbeckah: Leave me alone. I'm hurt right now and I don't want to talk to you.
Bbbbbeckah: Be at my house monday, during my lunch break. I'll have all your stuff ready.
papaoso1112: If u wanna bd friends and start from square one and figure it out heres your chance dverythings out and were on a even playing field
Bbbbbeckah: LEAVE ME ALONE. If you want to talk and try to make up atleast give me a few minutes to swallow the fact that you slept with someone that you've told me you hung out with awhile back when we WERE together.
Bbbbbeckah: until then DONT TALK TO ME.
papaoso1112: U really didnt ever feel deeper for me then
papaoso1112: Yeah ill be there
Bbbbbeckah: I wanted to know if there was a chance with us.
Bbbbbeckah: you wanted to "work things out" but when I threw something at you, you couldn't deal with it. You can't deal without the love and affection all the time. You had to go RUN to another girls bed.. KNOWINGLY. Shit, atleast I was fucking drunk!
Bbbbbeckah: "oh, but I slept with someone this morning.. so now we can start on an even playing field"
Bbbbbeckah: Fuck you, I'm better than that.
papaoso1112: I can deal i dont require ur affection just enjoy it and i still do wanna know if we could have a future we had to come back together for a
papaoso1112: Reason
Bbbbbeckah: yeah, to cause each other massive amounts of drama. That's why we found each other again. It's not worth it to me. I don't want to be happy one second and completely sad ready to hit you in the face the next. it's not my idea of a good relationship.
papaoso1112: And if its what we really want i think we have a chance
-3@
I'm just, not in the mood.
I'm fucking tired.
I didn't go to bed until like, 2:00 last night.
Not a great idea.
I was on the phone fighting with Jason.
I don't even want to do this anymore.
It's too much work and at the end of the day I don't even know why I want him.
I like him and his qualities, a lot.
But when I tour my head looking for reasons why...
I can't find any.
He's a GREAT guy. He treats me well.
He's stable, has his shit together..
Makes good money..
and takes care of me.
But I can't go on living a facade.
It's not there.
My feelings for him AREN'T there.
I wish I wasn't such a confusing fucking girl.
I know that my actions make every guy not even want to try with us chicks.
But seriously.. If I know he's not the one why would I try to stick it out?
Yes, I'm sure a relationship COULD work.
Hell, it wouldn't even be bad.
We're compatible.
But it takes a little more.
I broke up with him.
----------
In other news.
The rest of my downpayment for the Scion is due Saturday.
I'm about.......... oh, 400 dollars short.
My payroll check was 200 short.
Small month.
I was gonna borrow the Cash from J.
But I don't think that's gonna happen now.
It just sucks.
Once I get past this hurdle it should be smooth sailing.
I make enough fucking money.
I just don't have it right now.
ARGH!
Anyone want to donate?
I'm sure you're all broke, too.
---------
Life is kicking my ass right now.
---------
News Update.
Jason Fought
papaoso1112: On the way home last nite around 4 i stoped by a old coworkers place and we slept together
Bbbbbeckah: That's your business.
Bbbbbeckah: I'm jealous, yeah. But I knew it'd happen. You talk to a lot of chicks. so whatever.
Bbbbbeckah: You can pick up all your shit from my house on monday.. bring mine.
papaoso1112: No its not u needed to know and if were gonna do this we gotta be real aboutit right
Bbbbbeckah: yeah, I'm really not going to try anymore with you.
Bbbbbeckah: that's real enough for me.
papaoso1112: Do u hate me?
Bbbbbeckah: A little bit.
papaoso1112: Why i thought u wanted more or to know if there could be
Bbbbbeckah: I just decided that it's not going to work and I don't want to try.
papaoso1112: Im coo with what we agreed on and friends till we know and i know that if thats what were trying for i know it wont happen again
Bbbbbeckah: It's too late Jason. I'm done.
papaoso1112: I dont wanna see other people or sleep around i just wanna know with u
papaoso1112: All because i slept with someone u dont wanna try now and u know were lost
Bbbbbeckah: No, because we BOTH slept with someone. You don't see that as a problem? Theres a deeper reason why we both did it.
Bbbbbeckah: it's causing too much drama and I don't want it.
papaoso1112: It hasnt happen d b4 and wont again till we know
Bbbbbeckah: Jason.
Bbbbbeckah: Leave me alone. I'm hurt right now and I don't want to talk to you.
Bbbbbeckah: Be at my house monday, during my lunch break. I'll have all your stuff ready.
papaoso1112: If u wanna bd friends and start from square one and figure it out heres your chance dverythings out and were on a even playing field
Bbbbbeckah: LEAVE ME ALONE. If you want to talk and try to make up atleast give me a few minutes to swallow the fact that you slept with someone that you've told me you hung out with awhile back when we WERE together.
Bbbbbeckah: until then DONT TALK TO ME.
papaoso1112: U really didnt ever feel deeper for me then
papaoso1112: Yeah ill be there
Bbbbbeckah: I wanted to know if there was a chance with us.
Bbbbbeckah: you wanted to "work things out" but when I threw something at you, you couldn't deal with it. You can't deal without the love and affection all the time. You had to go RUN to another girls bed.. KNOWINGLY. Shit, atleast I was fucking drunk!
Bbbbbeckah: "oh, but I slept with someone this morning.. so now we can start on an even playing field"
Bbbbbeckah: Fuck you, I'm better than that.
papaoso1112: I can deal i dont require ur affection just enjoy it and i still do wanna know if we could have a future we had to come back together for a
papaoso1112: Reason
Bbbbbeckah: yeah, to cause each other massive amounts of drama. That's why we found each other again. It's not worth it to me. I don't want to be happy one second and completely sad ready to hit you in the face the next. it's not my idea of a good relationship.
papaoso1112: And if its what we really want i think we have a chance
-3@
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
Relationships are wierd. You're young and have time and he's probably afraid of that. I'm thinking you did the right thing.