bbbbbeckah

Sorry about the vague entry.

It was quite suiting to my mood....
You see, I'm in a bind.
I have genuine feelings for 2 people, and I feel that due to labels, I have to choose one or the other.

The problem is, they're nothing alike.
They're two completely different personalities, and I'm compatible with both.

Theres Jason, who I completely admire and feel safe with.
I know how he feels about me as a person. He's affectionate and extremely attentive. I need that. He's also very handy, and that comes in VERY nicely. When I'm hungry, he cooks because I can't.

But then theres Andrew.. and he's edgier.. funnier..
More into my style, and I am able to talk to him for hours without running out of jokes, or things to say. We went to the same high school, grew up in the same life, we both have Sprint PCS (saves minutes) and he's even an SG member!

The problem with Jason is, I doubt his intentions for commitment. Sure, he's my boyfriend.. but we were dating casually, first.. and he seemed to not have a problem with that situation until I MET Andrew. (I try my hardest to keep no secrets) Truth is, I don't know what Jason is doing when he goes out with his friends. I know that one of his best friends is VERY unloyal to his wife.. and I also know that he talks to ALL of his ex's. One is even a very close friend, he went to her parents for christmas.. I mean.. DAMN! That makes me uncomfortable. All I have is trust, and I've never been really good at that. Call it discernment.. call it paranoia..

Call me Crazy.

But things with Andrew aren't perfect, either.
When I met him, I liked him right away, but he was too cute.. too stylish.. liked music that was too cool. He intimidated me. So did his lifestyle. I feel like I'm too boring for him, not good enough. He goes to clubs and bars all the time, and well.. I get nervous around lots of people and I'm not old enough to drink.
Also, all I have to judge Andrew on is what he says. He hasn't proven anything to me as of late. I know it's not his fault because my time has been so wrapped up in my "relationship" but truthfully.. I need to BELIEVE that he likes me, not hear it.

The problem is.. I feel like I'd have to drop one to take a risk with the other.
I can't just drag them both along and tell them "Wait until I figure out what I want."
It's not fair. I want to be fair.

Some people would tell me.. "Maybe you should be alone and figure YOU out."

Well, maybe, but for how long?
Because I've done it.
After Michigan Drew and I split.. I was DEVASTATED.. and I haven't dated anyone since.
Well, Kinda. I dated people like Mike, and Derrick.
But I didn't see it like that.
I was USING men.. and they all got on my damn nerves before they were around for a MONTH.

I'm over that lifestyle.

I honestly am more WHOLE than I've ever been.
I'm content with my life and with myself..
and I know that from what has been displayed recently...

Maybe I SHOULD stay single.

-3@