It's days like these that I wish I could just get away. Run away. If only I didn't have to be responsible in this world. If only I had nothing that mattered.. that needed to be kept together. If only my actions wouldn't be missed. If only I could be that thoughtless. If only I was dead. I would fly far away.. away from this abandoned life.. away from this empty life.. away from this mechanical existence.
I feel like I'm shrinking each second I stay here. Like always, I'm looking for something or someone to save me. Why? Why can't I just save myself? I can, but I hide behind the mask of responsibility and motherhood. Is that really a mask or a sculpture? Or, is it anything at all? It's just me.
I'm still allowed to dream, aren't I? I should still be allowed to be happy..to be free. I am not tied down, but I am expected to be something I'm not. Someone who drives a thankless station wagon.. you know, the kind with the backwards facing back seat. My awkwardness is on display for the world.
This isn't about being a mother or a woman that's growing up. It's about surrounding myself with people that don't truly love or understand me. Is it wrong to want to be near someone that brings out my substance and beauty? They don't understand what I go through. They don't understand how something they don't even think about has affected me my entire life and how it continues to affect me.
They think it takes someone pathetic to want to kill themselves, but I think it takes someone with a true heart and a willingness to experience the world with their eyes shut. Someone that's been abandoned by both love and hate. Someone that can paint the world without tracing or using a spell checker.
I found a beautiful existence in the most unlikely place.
If I closed my eyes right now I'd go there. Bodies unimportant. Touching without meaning. Loving without intent. Just being. Just existing without having to really try.
I found my definition in you.
I found my aura in your skin.
I found my color in your eyes.
I found my reason to live in your arms.
Sometimes I think that feeling this much love is impossible. Somewhat painful, yet fulfilling. There's nothing I want more than to walk this path.. fight this demon.. erase this plastic coated polaroid.
I walk out on the ledge to tell you I'm uncontrollably, frighteningly, undeniably, passionately in love with you. I'd jump right now if I knew that it didn't matter. I'd crawl the distance, naked, on my hands and knees to prove my love to you. I'd cut off my first layer of skin just for your adoration. I'd abandon my entire life just to be worthy of your worship.
I hope this feeling never goes away.
I feel like I'm shrinking each second I stay here. Like always, I'm looking for something or someone to save me. Why? Why can't I just save myself? I can, but I hide behind the mask of responsibility and motherhood. Is that really a mask or a sculpture? Or, is it anything at all? It's just me.
I'm still allowed to dream, aren't I? I should still be allowed to be happy..to be free. I am not tied down, but I am expected to be something I'm not. Someone who drives a thankless station wagon.. you know, the kind with the backwards facing back seat. My awkwardness is on display for the world.
This isn't about being a mother or a woman that's growing up. It's about surrounding myself with people that don't truly love or understand me. Is it wrong to want to be near someone that brings out my substance and beauty? They don't understand what I go through. They don't understand how something they don't even think about has affected me my entire life and how it continues to affect me.
They think it takes someone pathetic to want to kill themselves, but I think it takes someone with a true heart and a willingness to experience the world with their eyes shut. Someone that's been abandoned by both love and hate. Someone that can paint the world without tracing or using a spell checker.
I found a beautiful existence in the most unlikely place.
If I closed my eyes right now I'd go there. Bodies unimportant. Touching without meaning. Loving without intent. Just being. Just existing without having to really try.
I found my definition in you.
I found my aura in your skin.
I found my color in your eyes.
I found my reason to live in your arms.
Sometimes I think that feeling this much love is impossible. Somewhat painful, yet fulfilling. There's nothing I want more than to walk this path.. fight this demon.. erase this plastic coated polaroid.
I walk out on the ledge to tell you I'm uncontrollably, frighteningly, undeniably, passionately in love with you. I'd jump right now if I knew that it didn't matter. I'd crawl the distance, naked, on my hands and knees to prove my love to you. I'd cut off my first layer of skin just for your adoration. I'd abandon my entire life just to be worthy of your worship.
I hope this feeling never goes away.