batsose

To paraphrase Lennon (John that is): "I am just sittin' here watching [the thought machine] go 'round and roundI really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go"

Of course that song is not about the thought machine, but that is how I feel and that is what meditation does for me today. My thoughts tend to be a wonderful and colorful parade of ideas, sprinkled with the occasional anxiety, like "do I have enough earthquake supplies?", "who did I forget for Xmas?", "I hope the nonprofit I work for doesn't go under..." The colorful parade consists of story ideas, philosophical musing and the occasional sexual desire, which is just entertaining the void.

Once in a while I will just sit, count my breaths and slip into the deep blue of the void, For those few seconds the "I' and the "we" and the "it" cease to exist and I am just here... being. And then SNAP: "What the hell I am going to talk about at this next presentation... oh yea my system for triage for the Chronic Pain pathway group at the Department of Public Health, which is going to be redundant when the state cuts the 2 billion dollars from its budget..." and so the thought twirl around like a whirling dervish.

The point of my rambling is no point... I just marvel at the process sometimes. Walk out of the river of my thoughts and dry myself on my own sunny beach and just watch the river roll on. My thoughts are beautiful and scary in the same instance and the experience of being human is a wild ride, but the funnest is part is when I just let go and ride...