basurablanca

christmas has always rang a little hollow for me to begin with... i find the fact that we have to take a day out of the year to make a point of being kind to our fellow humans is lame... if we all behaved that way in the first place it wouldn't be needed... there got the hippy out of my blood and now to move on...

this cristmass was a particularly hard one... in august my grandmother on my father's side was diagnosed with lung cancer... 12 years ago my grandmother on my mother's side died of lung cancer... i don't have a fabulous relationship with my grandparents, nothing too horibly evil, just really distant... they retired at an early age (40's) which happened to coincide with my entrance into this world... they were gone for most of my life and that relationship was never nurtured...

being as such, i wasn't really taking this whole thing all that hard... got to my grandparents house on x-mas eve and got situated... didn't get to really spend any time with my grandmother untill christmas day night... it was then that i realized how important i was to my grandmother and it made me feel like a shit... it wasn't anything she said, it was just the way she looked at me... hurt like a motherfucker... i then managed to totaly breakdown...

thanks for waiting untill it was too fucking late to show me how you feel...