bastardo

I dunno kiddos. My social ineptitude is catching up to me, hounding my every step, turning it's evil littel mind against me. I watch as others float gaily through life, tripping along the intricate webs of friendships, marital bonds and partnerships that seem to always be denied me. I can only grit my teeth in lime-colored envy as she moves from point to point barely leaving a mark, while others view me with open contempt, as if I have no right to be here. Will it always be like this? Forever and ever? For the rest of my life? Working and working but with nothing to come home to? What would the point of such a life be? Or is it a life at all? What is it in me that they hate so much? Am I really that hideous to behold? All my encounters, now seen with a different light, take a darker cast; willing lovers become desperate losers in the blink of the eye, or sympathetic wraiths showing an ugly man a good time for a brief moment. I did not ask to be like this, I did not ask for it, nor do I wish it on others, I only ask to be taken in from the cold and to warm myself by the fire with everyone else, to rub shoulders in good faith and without fear of harm. Do I have to promise to be good? This life can't be worth living if I am sentenced to the Hole in my mind. Eternal solitary, a true "life sentence" and that is just what they take.