basketcase

I went to a surgeon on Wednesday morning to check out my supposed lymph node. I'm still not certain what it is, everyone just speculates and assumes that's what it is. Even before that day, if I thought about surgery and removing this thing too much, it could get my eyes to well up a little bit. I knew what to expect him to say, but that doesn't change how it affected me when he actually said it.

The surgeon doesn't even want to bother doing a biopsy to see what it is first, he just wants to take the whole thing out in one go and find out later. He was saying that there's a sensory nerve (not mobility) that runs through that area and if it's not too tangled up, he'd just push it out of the way. But if he can't, he'd have to cut it which means I'd have numbness in the front of my thigh that may or may not be permanent. And then there was mention of a drainage tube after surgery too. As he was telling me all this, I was keeping myself from tearing up. Immediately after I left the office, the crying started. I spent the first 3 or 4 hours after the appointment crying every 15 minutes or less just thinking about it.

I'm going to get a second opinion from an MD, see if I can find a lymph specialist, try to get a doc to agree to an MRI to be sure of what it is (ultrasounds are shit for getting a clear diagnosis of tissue), try lymph drainage massage, more acupuncture, and anything else I can find cause I really don't want that dude cutting it out, especially if there's risk of nerve damage. I'd rather deal with pain once a month and mild discomfort every few days and the hassle of more alternative treatments than have permanent numbness in surface of my thigh and considering it's a mere 2-3 inches from my ladybits... I don't want to tempt fate with sensory nerves in that area.

This is fucked up