baronsamedi

I read personals ads for fun.

Here's a great one. Guys in Tacoma? She's single!

I have issues... - 25
Reply to: pers-277950954@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-02-12, 10:53PM PST


I am a fun, single female looking for an attractive, fit professional male 26-35.
I am an unemployed, lazy, cruel sociopath. I keep it real. I will always lie to you, except for when the truth will hurt you more. When we go out on a date, you will always pay for everything, and I'll make eyes at the frat boys at the next table. I will never, ever be on time. I will expect to be showered with attention (read expensive gifts) on a regular basis. I will use sex to manipulate you. I have herpes.
I will be insanely jealous of your female friends but expect you to be okay with my many boyfriends. When I meet your friends I will be rude and standoffish, but try to flirt with them when you leave the room. If you're watching an important sporting event I will pout and distract you with stupid questions until you get fed up and turn it off.
If you call me, I'll let it go to voicemail and may or may not call you back. If I call you and it goes to voicemail, I will accuse you of cheating on me. Actually, no matter what you do, I will accuse you of cheating on me. I will cheat on you whenever I feel like it. I will pressure you into getting me a cell phone in your name and run up astronomical bills calling my other boyfriends. I will constantly ask you for money.
Whenever we get into an argument, I will use tears to manipulate you. I will talk shit about you to all of my friends. When I meet your mother, I will be rude. I may also steal from her if she has anything I want. I will flirt with your father. I will get drunk at your office Christmas party and embarass you.


Oh well, at least she's honest, right?