barkingowl

I had the misfortune of being dragged to a Christmas party on Christmas Eve by my wife. We were supposed to be going there just to eat & leaving afterward. Both of us were sick with the flu so staying wasn't what either of us wanted to do. So I call my friend up & ask what time dinner is... 5pm... We go over a bit early & find out that the people bringing the antipasto are caught in traffic because of a wreck. Dinner gets pushed back 1.5 hours. When they eventually show up its closer to 8pm. I eat a bit but dump it right back out. I had a most evil grin as I listened to the groans coming out of the bathroom by those unfortunate enough to use it after me. The secret santa BS doesn't start till 11pm! I'm sitting on the couch trying not to cough up a lung & this pre-teen girl (daughter of my friend) plops down next to me to tell me how exciting the secret santa will be. I'm trying to think of the best way to shut this kid up. So I look at her and tell her that I'm not having a good time & that I'm looking forward to getting out of there. She looks at me wide eyed & asks me why I hate Christmas. I tell her that I'm sick & that I feel like shit & that the only thing that's really of interest to me right now is getting the hell out of there. Amazingly she shuts up. But her mother wanders over to ask me what number I've drawn for the secret santa. I tell her that I don't have a number & don't want one. The mother doesn't like that response. She waves a hat in front of my face & tells me to draw a number. I say no. I then tell her to draw one for me. I get #1.

Apparently the way they do this is that the 1st person picks a gift & opens it. If someone else likes the present they can take it. Then you have to pick another gift & go through the same BS. Anyhow they finally decide to start. The mother tells me to go & pick out a gift. You'd think she'd have learned better by now but nope. I tell her to pick one out for me. She hands me a lump covered in purple paper. I open it. Its a tray covered with wine bottles & a pack of napkins. I hold it up over my head & wave it back & forth. It elicits no interest. Thank God. I think to myself that it will make a nice rolling tray.

My wife is #5. She picks an ugly ass digital photo keyring. Some huge woman wants it so she gives it up & picks a bottle of Baileys. Apparently everyone wants the Baileys so they fight over the bottle for awhile. My wife then gets a Best Buy gift card. We leave shortly thereafter. Amazingly we were home before midnight.

On the way home I tell my wife that next year I'm buying a doubleheaded purple jelly dong for one gift & a strap on for the other one. Might as well have some fun with these people...

Christmas Day was fairly quiet. We watched our puppy rip open his presents & spent the day at home.