My lame-ass exboyfriend just called me like an hour ago. He wanted to know if I'd had the baby yet. I told him I hadn't. And he acted interested in my pregnant for like seventeen seconds before telling me he had moved back home and wanted to see me. I told him I had no interest in seeing him.
"But I'm clean now." he whined. And I told him I didn't care.
Now I feel mean about saying that but it's true, I don't care. After watching him fuck up his life, and letting him take everything he could from me until I had nothing left to give, I don't care if he's clean and sober or if he goes out and OD's tomorrow. I just wanted to show him my life now and scream "look how happy I am! Look at all I've got, all I've accomplished! Look at how wondeful my life is, with NO THANKS TO YOU, you heroin-addled scumbag."
But I can't. Because I tried that once, last summer, and all he said was "the ninth step of Narcotics Anonymous is to ask the forgiveness of those I've hurt. And I want to ask for your forgiveness." I told him that I didn't forgive him and he starting spewing some NA propoganda about how he had no idea what he was doing and how he never meant to hurt me and everything he did, he did because he loved me and hated himself. That's when I hung up the phone. The next morning, I got some hatemail from his like 13 year old girlfriend telling me that how dare I let him call me and how dare I not forgive him and how dare I still occupy his thoughts. I could have puked all over her, had she been in front of me.
So now he's decided to try talking to me again, and I want nothing to do with him, ever. I wasted way too much time with him, and way too much time wishing he'd come back after he ran away. And I tried really hard to cut him off already, but he's making it difficult by, like, calling me and stuff. Argh!
"But I'm clean now." he whined. And I told him I didn't care.
Now I feel mean about saying that but it's true, I don't care. After watching him fuck up his life, and letting him take everything he could from me until I had nothing left to give, I don't care if he's clean and sober or if he goes out and OD's tomorrow. I just wanted to show him my life now and scream "look how happy I am! Look at all I've got, all I've accomplished! Look at how wondeful my life is, with NO THANKS TO YOU, you heroin-addled scumbag."
But I can't. Because I tried that once, last summer, and all he said was "the ninth step of Narcotics Anonymous is to ask the forgiveness of those I've hurt. And I want to ask for your forgiveness." I told him that I didn't forgive him and he starting spewing some NA propoganda about how he had no idea what he was doing and how he never meant to hurt me and everything he did, he did because he loved me and hated himself. That's when I hung up the phone. The next morning, I got some hatemail from his like 13 year old girlfriend telling me that how dare I let him call me and how dare I not forgive him and how dare I still occupy his thoughts. I could have puked all over her, had she been in front of me.
So now he's decided to try talking to me again, and I want nothing to do with him, ever. I wasted way too much time with him, and way too much time wishing he'd come back after he ran away. And I tried really hard to cut him off already, but he's making it difficult by, like, calling me and stuff. Argh!
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From the 12 step, steps 8 and 9 are:
Made a list of persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people except when to do so would injure others.
These have absolutely nothing to do with "asking for forgiveness." The addict takes responsibility for what he has done, and does whatever is necessary to make it right ... such as helping you support the baby.
You have an absolute right to glory in your life as it is today, in your independence, in your achievements without him. And ... you do not need to feel bad about not wanting to forgive him. You should be true to yourself and your feelings. If he (and his lame co-dependent girlfriend) can't handle it ... tough shit.
Be very clear that he should not contact you. When pressed, use one of the most powerful words in the english language ... however.
"I understand what your saying, however ... (insert your own comments here.)
Good luck in detaching from him!