bahbdorje

So, the days continue. This comes along in my e-mail as I'm calming myself. ... :

Dharma Quote of the Week


Due to misunderstanding each other's needs and concerns, miscommunication occurs on the international level as well [as the personal level]. In all these situations--personal and international--freeing ourselves from our narrow understanding of a situation by seeing it from the other's viewpoint is an effective remedy for anger. We can ask ourselves, "If I had grown up in that person's family, society, time in history, and cultural conditions, what would my needs and concerns be in this situation?"

When we look at the situation from the other person's viewpoint, sometimes we see that she perceives it differently than we thought she did. Other times, we realize that we have little idea of how a situation appears to another person or what her needs and concerns are. Therefore, we need to ask her; and when she responds, we need to listen, without interrupting. It is all too easy, when someone explains her view to us, to correct her or tell her that she should not feel the way she does. This only inflames the other person, and convinces her, with good reason, that we don't understand. Rather, we need to listen from our heart to what she says. After she has fully expressed herself, we can share our perspectives, and generally, a productive discussion will ensue.

--from Working with Anger by Thubten Chodron, published by Snow Lion Publications