Yup, so I turned 24 today... and yeah. I don't really know what to say about it I guess, it felt like a pretty un-spectacular birthday all around. I mean, it wasn't bad persay... I started the celebration on Friday evening by getting some new ink (finally started my long awaited chest piece which is awesome) thanks to my mother 
and got some lovely looking bruises in the process. Then last night was spent having 5 of my friends over for dinner, we had lasagna, garlic bread and of course chocolate cake, and sat around playing card and dice games and bullshitting until about 3am. And then today I had dinner with my parents and our friends Tammy and Keith at Hacienda Colorado, we got a free desert thingy that I can't remember the name of, it was a pastry thing with bananas in it, pretty damn yummy
But overall I just feel kinda blah about it all, like none of it really mattered or meant anything. I feel like every year that I get older is just another year wasted, another year that I haven't accomplished my goals or really acheived much of anything. Shouldn't I have more to show for myself by now than a unused and (lets face it) useless degree that I really didn't want in the first place, a bunch of debt, and a lonely life that doesn't seem to be going much of anywhere?
I think perhaps I am still feeling down from last week; a family friend that I have known since before I moved to the US (around 15 years in total) passed away on Thursday night after battling health problems stemming from a heart attack 12 years ago. John was the very first American I ever knew and despite the fact that he was the most miserable man I have ever known, he was also one of the funniest, he never failed in making me laugh and never made me feel like a kid; he always talked to me like an equal not a child. He will be dearly missed.
And then there is the matter of my love life, which as the universe's cosmic comedy of errors is an even more spectacular cluster-fuck than usual. Tattoo artist A whom I happen to have had a crush on for quite some time now and am completely smitten with is attempting to set me up with tattoo artist B, who though quite nice and not bad looking is no where near as attractive to me as tattoo artist A. However, tattoo artist A sees me as only a friend and reveals to me that he is the master of fucked up head games (not a good thing), and is really beyond my reach and probably better to simply have as a friend (see, I *am* learning). So, I settle for tattoo artist B and figure, hey why not give it a try I might be pleasantly suprised. Now, this is where things start to get really "fun"... tattoo artist B happens to live over 50 miles away from me (I can never find a man close to me, I don't know why) and is also married. With children. 3 of them. ~sigh~ Apparently the marriage is terrible, they're always fighting, he wants a divorce, yadda, yadda, yadda. So that complicates things just a wee bit. Do I stick it out and hope things work out, or do I say fuck it and just steer clear of the potential mess that could be?
Well, that should be the end of it right? Nope, this is my lovelife we are talking about after all. After a rather nice (albeit brief due to clients at the shop) date with tattoo artist B last Saturday, I come home to relax and just waste the rest of my day doing nothing. Then low and behold I get a phone call from my old boss. The one that I wanted to do very dirty, nasty and all around sinful, hell deserving things with for over a year. After blowing me off after I left my job over six months ago, he suddenly wants to get together and have some fun. I play the flirting game with this man for more than a year, both of us dropping innuendos that made my coworkers blush (not to mention me every damn time I saw him) with a cloud of sexual tension thick enough you could cut it with a knife, and then he never returns my calls and acts as if I don't exist. And now, months later he's interested again, what? Oi vey...
On top of all this my back has been killing me since before Christmas, every day is torture and agony. I have a cold that won't go away, that is of course if it *is* a cold and not some deadly disease I caught from the guy next to me at work who spends 8 hours a day attempting to cough his lungs onto his desk. Oh yeah, and I owe my Home Owners Association $1,300.
Yay me
and got some lovely looking bruises in the process. Then last night was spent having 5 of my friends over for dinner, we had lasagna, garlic bread and of course chocolate cake, and sat around playing card and dice games and bullshitting until about 3am. And then today I had dinner with my parents and our friends Tammy and Keith at Hacienda Colorado, we got a free desert thingy that I can't remember the name of, it was a pastry thing with bananas in it, pretty damn yummy But overall I just feel kinda blah about it all, like none of it really mattered or meant anything. I feel like every year that I get older is just another year wasted, another year that I haven't accomplished my goals or really acheived much of anything. Shouldn't I have more to show for myself by now than a unused and (lets face it) useless degree that I really didn't want in the first place, a bunch of debt, and a lonely life that doesn't seem to be going much of anywhere?
I think perhaps I am still feeling down from last week; a family friend that I have known since before I moved to the US (around 15 years in total) passed away on Thursday night after battling health problems stemming from a heart attack 12 years ago. John was the very first American I ever knew and despite the fact that he was the most miserable man I have ever known, he was also one of the funniest, he never failed in making me laugh and never made me feel like a kid; he always talked to me like an equal not a child. He will be dearly missed.
And then there is the matter of my love life, which as the universe's cosmic comedy of errors is an even more spectacular cluster-fuck than usual. Tattoo artist A whom I happen to have had a crush on for quite some time now and am completely smitten with is attempting to set me up with tattoo artist B, who though quite nice and not bad looking is no where near as attractive to me as tattoo artist A. However, tattoo artist A sees me as only a friend and reveals to me that he is the master of fucked up head games (not a good thing), and is really beyond my reach and probably better to simply have as a friend (see, I *am* learning). So, I settle for tattoo artist B and figure, hey why not give it a try I might be pleasantly suprised. Now, this is where things start to get really "fun"... tattoo artist B happens to live over 50 miles away from me (I can never find a man close to me, I don't know why) and is also married. With children. 3 of them. ~sigh~ Apparently the marriage is terrible, they're always fighting, he wants a divorce, yadda, yadda, yadda. So that complicates things just a wee bit. Do I stick it out and hope things work out, or do I say fuck it and just steer clear of the potential mess that could be?
Well, that should be the end of it right? Nope, this is my lovelife we are talking about after all. After a rather nice (albeit brief due to clients at the shop) date with tattoo artist B last Saturday, I come home to relax and just waste the rest of my day doing nothing. Then low and behold I get a phone call from my old boss. The one that I wanted to do very dirty, nasty and all around sinful, hell deserving things with for over a year. After blowing me off after I left my job over six months ago, he suddenly wants to get together and have some fun. I play the flirting game with this man for more than a year, both of us dropping innuendos that made my coworkers blush (not to mention me every damn time I saw him) with a cloud of sexual tension thick enough you could cut it with a knife, and then he never returns my calls and acts as if I don't exist. And now, months later he's interested again, what? Oi vey...
On top of all this my back has been killing me since before Christmas, every day is torture and agony. I have a cold that won't go away, that is of course if it *is* a cold and not some deadly disease I caught from the guy next to me at work who spends 8 hours a day attempting to cough his lungs onto his desk. Oh yeah, and I owe my Home Owners Association $1,300.
Yay me
Secondly, ditch Tattoo Artist B. Even if he gets a divorce, he's still going to be a total fucking mess for a couple years as he gets over things and acclimatizes to single life. You do NOT want to be his rebound for this unless you enjoy getting dragged through other people's shit. Even if he seems fine right now, he won't be.
Thirdly, your old boss sounds like fun BUT only for sex. Don't go into it thinking it's relationship material. I can tell just by his actions and the way you tell it that sex is all he's up for. Even if he says otherwise. My advice? Go for it and enjoy but don't take anything he says too seriously. Just have fun.
Life advice: if you don't want to work in a field related to your degree, start working around the clock and save up money to go travelling. Get a second job if you have to. Set a goal for when you're going to leave and stick to it. Once you're travelling you'll experience a clarity of thought and self awareness that you can't achieve at home (surrounded by friends and family) and it's very likely that you'll start to have a better idea about what you want in life.
Once you've figured that out, stay travelling for as long as you can afford it and then come home and pursue the life you want!
Just remember, you are the one in charge of your life and anything's possible once you put your mind to it. It all comes down to how badly you want it.
Happy Birthday!