Went to the Miss White Trash Beauty Pageant last night. This is apparently an annual event here in Portland, where the ladies compete for a lovely prize. This year's prize was a beat-up pickup truck, a huge trophy and twenty bucks. Awww yeah.

So, for all of you who live in Portland and didn't go (and I do mean all, you cheap bastards), you missed out on seeing our lovely hansel, a judge, getting plied with whiskey by one of our contestants, turn several shades of red because of what some of them said to him, and just generally look rather out of place with me, since neither of us were dressed appropriately.

You also missed hansel launching a hot dog out of a homemade hot dog cannon. And THAT was a sight worth seeing.