babybeezer

I currently unable to relax. There is no such thing as a quiet moment inside my head. I am full of worries. When I wake up and roll over in the middle of the night, in that brief moment before I fall asleep again, my mind is trying to problem solve. Doing tai chi, my body is trying to do the form while my mind is worrying. If something is not captivating 100% of my attention, I am immediately elsewhere, thinking about all the stress, the deadlines, the heartache, the sadness, the pressure, all of it. I zone out during conversations. I can't even sit in a hot tub and relax for 10 minutes. I can't sit still. I can't be still. I worry what will happen if I stop worrying about everything. How can anything possibly get done if I don't worry about it? But how can I possibly experience anything if I'm constantly worrying about everything? Our tai chi teacher wrote a quote up on the board

"Experience experienced
becomes knowlege
knowledge applied
becomes wisdom."

You know, I don't think I've experienced a single goddam one of my experiences in the past month.

Why can't I just shut up?