baby_c

so this is what is goin on in my life right know..............the other night i was talking to my boyfriend on line (pretending to be my brother) they talk online alot. i asked him if he would break up with cuz im leaving for the militar soon. he said he loved me with everything he had and he was gonna wait. then i said why she is leaving for 4 years. then he said yea your right tell her its over between us or not cuz i do love her alot.....gggrrr....why,why does he have to love me. why cant it be someone else. i know this sounds mean. but im so afraid of hurting him when im gone. i say i wont but i know my intentions. im gonna party, im gonna drink, iam gonna meet guys. i wont sleep with all them but what if something does happen. i have already been distancing my self from him. im ready to let himgo. i know this cuz when he is out of sight he is out of mind. thats just me being honest. i feel like im lying to him. but i dont want to hurt him. i care for him alot i love him but i dont feel in love anymore. i dont know why. he does everything for me. he wants to be rich so i can raise kids and be at home mom. (all his words) what am i supposed to say to that.

now he saying i piss him off. and he is not talking to me. how am i gonna fix what i dont know i did. he wont tell me.ggrr. he told me he wasnt gonna see me today, i said i dont care you can do whatever you do in the day time.(i didnt mean it rude or in a mean way) then he goes i know you dont care...wtf. then i said your anger makes me happy. he asked wtf that was supposed to mean. i said the same about me not caring. we havent talked since. i dont know if i shoukd be happy or sad. im kinda confused right now. but anyway.....


i got a pix of mike ness of there web site. god he is so hot.**sigh**. if only every guy looked like him. i would be in heaven. he is so awesome.

so i went to the recruiters station..i take another test on the ninth. then the 11th i go to meps. then after i get my results (two weeks later) two weeks after that im gone. wow. another roller coaster has started. i cant wait. i like to grab the bull by his horns and go. i have no fear. sumtimes that is bad. but i love it. well im gonna go. go look at mike hugh. i could eat him up. he such a fine fucker. september fourth they play in italy i wont be there yet. man i wanna go. oh bye kisses for everyone.