BROTHER,
I know we have had our bad days, and far too many of late, driving you from my life. My earliest memories were without you, as I fought and scrapped to liberate a Peach from the barbarous tyranny of a big ape. How I made it through so many adventures without ever realizing you had your own dreams is a testament to my failure as your flesh and blood. I had barely realized you were of age when working side by side to unclog the plumbing of our friends and neighbors. Remember our initial days, when I first tumbled into that big, dark pipe, and you my loving brother, pursued, without a seconds thought of your own safety. You followed me, and we unclogged that pipe from which no water poured. Damn those congestive turtles! Damn them to hell!!
Later, we explored further into the exiting new realm of the Mushroom Kingdom (which was serendipitously well-suited to our own vocational dexterity). We learned of the plight of a people not our own, and of their beautiful Peach, captive again, this time in a tiny, brick castle. I never thought to ask why you were so adamant about helping; I presumed you were merely aiding in righting a wrong, but it was I who was wrong. Your thoughts were consumed by a lust that raged within your green overalld loins, and your every breath was motivated by a desire to plumb my Peach. If I had only looked, I would have seen steam pouring out of your ears as that diminutive green flag went up in that flurry of mushroom powered fireworks. So while we would rescue again and again, it was I who each night would enjoy those spoils, while you and Toad fell asleep on the couch. If only you had told me, and thwarted my egocentric propensity toward exclusion. But you did not, and the seed that was planted silently germinated and blackened your once beautiful heart.
Please, brother, I beseech you. See these words as my battle hardened plunger, and this letter as my attempt to extract the kernel that has corrupted your thoughts and tainted your feelings towards me. I have discussed it with Peach, and we are willing to let you into our home, and more importantly, into our bed. We will live again as we once did, clearing pipes and getting the job done. I only ask that I go first.
Fraternally,
M
I know we have had our bad days, and far too many of late, driving you from my life. My earliest memories were without you, as I fought and scrapped to liberate a Peach from the barbarous tyranny of a big ape. How I made it through so many adventures without ever realizing you had your own dreams is a testament to my failure as your flesh and blood. I had barely realized you were of age when working side by side to unclog the plumbing of our friends and neighbors. Remember our initial days, when I first tumbled into that big, dark pipe, and you my loving brother, pursued, without a seconds thought of your own safety. You followed me, and we unclogged that pipe from which no water poured. Damn those congestive turtles! Damn them to hell!!
Later, we explored further into the exiting new realm of the Mushroom Kingdom (which was serendipitously well-suited to our own vocational dexterity). We learned of the plight of a people not our own, and of their beautiful Peach, captive again, this time in a tiny, brick castle. I never thought to ask why you were so adamant about helping; I presumed you were merely aiding in righting a wrong, but it was I who was wrong. Your thoughts were consumed by a lust that raged within your green overalld loins, and your every breath was motivated by a desire to plumb my Peach. If I had only looked, I would have seen steam pouring out of your ears as that diminutive green flag went up in that flurry of mushroom powered fireworks. So while we would rescue again and again, it was I who each night would enjoy those spoils, while you and Toad fell asleep on the couch. If only you had told me, and thwarted my egocentric propensity toward exclusion. But you did not, and the seed that was planted silently germinated and blackened your once beautiful heart.
Please, brother, I beseech you. See these words as my battle hardened plunger, and this letter as my attempt to extract the kernel that has corrupted your thoughts and tainted your feelings towards me. I have discussed it with Peach, and we are willing to let you into our home, and more importantly, into our bed. We will live again as we once did, clearing pipes and getting the job done. I only ask that I go first.
Fraternally,
M
VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
akasnuggles:
you fucked up my expectations with those 7 comments...damnit. and you got me curious as to what the original comments were...damnit. 
hungryherbivore:
