Below will be a completely aggravating experience I had at a McDonalds last Saturday night. In case you cant keep up, if it says Brain its something Im thinking, if it says me, Im saying it. If you don't get it then I can't help you. This is a pretty angry one, not even remotely funny like the last two, this is just bitter and pissed off, so if you dig that type of stuff, you might enjoy this. It's also filled to the brim with douchebag hatred, so if your a douchebag sympathizer then you should probably avoid.
[I drive onto the Mcdonalds parking lot, in front of me is a massive group of Bros. The douchebags who spend all their money on their cars and gather in parking lots in the middle of the night to play their music loud and get drunk]
Brain: Fuck! I wonder if anything else is open.
[Nothing else is open]
Brain: Okay, just go in, buy the food and get out.
[I walk inside and see a ridiculously long line... again, filled with douchbags. I approach the line and realize at the head of it is one of my sister's friends.
Brain: Great...
Douchbag 1: Hi, I think I'll have... um... shit... I think... maybe... never mind, hey *insert name* you wanna go first?
Douchbag 2: No just go bitch!
Douchbag 1: Fuck you whore
Douchbag 2: Ho!!!
Brain: Fuck both of you! Someone order something godsdammit!
Douchbag 1: I'll have a double cheeseburger...
Cashier: That'll be $1.19
Douchebag 1: What? I thought this was a dollar?
Cashier: That's the McDouble, it has only one slice of cheese.
Douchbag 1: Hey, does anybody have like, some loose change or something?
Douchbag 2: hahaha
Douchbag 3: heh heh heh, here bitch
Douchebag 1: Thanks asshole hahahaha
Brain: Why do these people talk like this? What sane person talks like this?
[The worst douchebag suddenly appears from behind me]
Worst Douchbag: OH MY GOD!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO ORDER!!!
Douchebag 2: HAHAHAHA, God youre so crazy!!!
Brain: Leave, you should leave, your gonna hurt people if you don't leave
[One of them turns to me]
Douchbag 3: What's up homeboy?
Me: Not much sir.
Douchebag 3: Shouldn't you like, lay off the Mcdonalds, I mean look at you.
Me: Well you see, I would, but then I wouldnt have this jolly body now would I?
Douchebag 3: Heh, whatever man.
[6 more people order after this person finally finishes, then the last person before me goes up to order]
Worst Douchebag: HEYYYYYY
Cashier: heh heh, what's up?
Worst Douchebag: GOD! I'm like so fucking hungry!
Cashier: heh heh
Worst Douchebag: So what do you recommend?
Brain: It's a Mcdonalds, it's the bottom of the fast food chain, you choose something that you think you can keep down and order it.
Cashier: Well if you really wanna know, then I gotta ask you a question, how hungry are you?
Worst Douchebag: I'm sooooo god dammed dead fucking hungry!
Cashier: Dead hungry? Then here's what you gotta do man, the fucking Chicken Nuggets.
Brain: Thats a horrible suggestion, anything on the menu would be more filling.
Worst Douchebag: Thats a horrible suggestion WHATEVER, Ill get that, and like 15 cheeseburgers.
Cashier: Okay
Worst Douchebag: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? I WAS JOKING, GOD SOME PEOPLE
Cashier: Heh heh, so what do you want then?
Worst Douchebag: Like, two cheeseburgers, DUH!
[He finally finishes and Im about to go up, he then cuts right back in front of me, pretty much pushing me out of the way]
Worst Douchebag: Excuse me, your in my way.
Cashier: Yeah?
Worst Douchebag: How much are the cookies?
Brain: I am going to murder him, I am going to cut his balls off, I am going to
Worst Douchebag: Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, fuck it, Ill have those too, GOD IM SOOOO FAT!
[He pays and I finally go up to order]
Me: Ill have two Cheeseburgers
Cashier: Whats up man?
Me: Not much
Cashier: Hows life?
Me: Not bad
Brain: Do I fucking know you?
Cashier: So how are you?
Me: Hungry
Cashier: heh heh, okay, what do you want?
Me: Ill have two cheeseburgers
Cashier: Thatll be $2.95
[I hand him three dollars, one dollar is a bill, the other two are in quarters, totaling 8 coins]
Cashier: Fuck, are you serious?
Me: Do we have a problem?
Cashier: Why dont you just like, order one?
Me: Cause Im a fat mother fucker, and I want two, are you okay with that?
Cashier: Fuckkkk. Okay lets see
[He puts his head on the counter like a child sleeping at school and slowly counts the coins out]
Cashier: one, two three fuck it Ill just say its enough.
Brain: What about my damn change?
Me: Whatever
[I sit down So 25 minutes passes, and this time is filled with douchebag fun, Its enough to make one consider anger management. Anyway I finally get my food from a Mcdonalds a FAST food restaurant. As I pick up the food and begin to walk away]
Cashier: Hey!
Me: Yeah?
Cashier: Smile
[I snap]
Me: You know what, I dont think I will, you know why? Well lets see, my dad just died like this morning, my mom is completely fucking devastated, so here I am trying to buy some food so she can eat something, and you have a problem with the only way I can pay, not to mention making me wait nearly half an hour for my food, but I dont complain, but your gonna have the audacity to ask me to smile? No, I dont think I will, I think you should fuck off.
Cashier: Um I
Me: Yeah Im done.
[I walk out, people are definitely looking at me]
Brain: That was bad ass
[I drive home, walk in the front door]
Me: Hey dad
Dad: Hi
Me: I got you a burger
Dad: Took long enough.
Me: Dont bring that up
So in case you couldnt tell, my Dad is not in fact dead, I was just pissed off enough to say something horrible, just to fuck this guys day up does that make me a bad person? I guess, but if its any consolation, ] I did tell my dad I did this and he laughed.
Don't think less of me.
[I drive onto the Mcdonalds parking lot, in front of me is a massive group of Bros. The douchebags who spend all their money on their cars and gather in parking lots in the middle of the night to play their music loud and get drunk]
Brain: Fuck! I wonder if anything else is open.
[Nothing else is open]
Brain: Okay, just go in, buy the food and get out.
[I walk inside and see a ridiculously long line... again, filled with douchbags. I approach the line and realize at the head of it is one of my sister's friends.
Brain: Great...
Douchbag 1: Hi, I think I'll have... um... shit... I think... maybe... never mind, hey *insert name* you wanna go first?
Douchbag 2: No just go bitch!
Douchbag 1: Fuck you whore
Douchbag 2: Ho!!!
Brain: Fuck both of you! Someone order something godsdammit!
Douchbag 1: I'll have a double cheeseburger...
Cashier: That'll be $1.19
Douchebag 1: What? I thought this was a dollar?
Cashier: That's the McDouble, it has only one slice of cheese.
Douchbag 1: Hey, does anybody have like, some loose change or something?
Douchbag 2: hahaha
Douchbag 3: heh heh heh, here bitch
Douchebag 1: Thanks asshole hahahaha
Brain: Why do these people talk like this? What sane person talks like this?
[The worst douchebag suddenly appears from behind me]
Worst Douchbag: OH MY GOD!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO ORDER!!!
Douchebag 2: HAHAHAHA, God youre so crazy!!!
Brain: Leave, you should leave, your gonna hurt people if you don't leave
[One of them turns to me]
Douchbag 3: What's up homeboy?
Me: Not much sir.
Douchebag 3: Shouldn't you like, lay off the Mcdonalds, I mean look at you.
Me: Well you see, I would, but then I wouldnt have this jolly body now would I?
Douchebag 3: Heh, whatever man.
[6 more people order after this person finally finishes, then the last person before me goes up to order]
Worst Douchebag: HEYYYYYY
Cashier: heh heh, what's up?
Worst Douchebag: GOD! I'm like so fucking hungry!
Cashier: heh heh
Worst Douchebag: So what do you recommend?
Brain: It's a Mcdonalds, it's the bottom of the fast food chain, you choose something that you think you can keep down and order it.
Cashier: Well if you really wanna know, then I gotta ask you a question, how hungry are you?
Worst Douchebag: I'm sooooo god dammed dead fucking hungry!
Cashier: Dead hungry? Then here's what you gotta do man, the fucking Chicken Nuggets.
Brain: Thats a horrible suggestion, anything on the menu would be more filling.
Worst Douchebag: Thats a horrible suggestion WHATEVER, Ill get that, and like 15 cheeseburgers.
Cashier: Okay
Worst Douchebag: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? I WAS JOKING, GOD SOME PEOPLE
Cashier: Heh heh, so what do you want then?
Worst Douchebag: Like, two cheeseburgers, DUH!
[He finally finishes and Im about to go up, he then cuts right back in front of me, pretty much pushing me out of the way]
Worst Douchebag: Excuse me, your in my way.
Cashier: Yeah?
Worst Douchebag: How much are the cookies?
Brain: I am going to murder him, I am going to cut his balls off, I am going to
Worst Douchebag: Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, fuck it, Ill have those too, GOD IM SOOOO FAT!
[He pays and I finally go up to order]
Me: Ill have two Cheeseburgers
Cashier: Whats up man?
Me: Not much
Cashier: Hows life?
Me: Not bad
Brain: Do I fucking know you?
Cashier: So how are you?
Me: Hungry
Cashier: heh heh, okay, what do you want?
Me: Ill have two cheeseburgers
Cashier: Thatll be $2.95
[I hand him three dollars, one dollar is a bill, the other two are in quarters, totaling 8 coins]
Cashier: Fuck, are you serious?
Me: Do we have a problem?
Cashier: Why dont you just like, order one?
Me: Cause Im a fat mother fucker, and I want two, are you okay with that?
Cashier: Fuckkkk. Okay lets see
[He puts his head on the counter like a child sleeping at school and slowly counts the coins out]
Cashier: one, two three fuck it Ill just say its enough.
Brain: What about my damn change?
Me: Whatever
[I sit down So 25 minutes passes, and this time is filled with douchebag fun, Its enough to make one consider anger management. Anyway I finally get my food from a Mcdonalds a FAST food restaurant. As I pick up the food and begin to walk away]
Cashier: Hey!
Me: Yeah?
Cashier: Smile
[I snap]
Me: You know what, I dont think I will, you know why? Well lets see, my dad just died like this morning, my mom is completely fucking devastated, so here I am trying to buy some food so she can eat something, and you have a problem with the only way I can pay, not to mention making me wait nearly half an hour for my food, but I dont complain, but your gonna have the audacity to ask me to smile? No, I dont think I will, I think you should fuck off.
Cashier: Um I
Me: Yeah Im done.
[I walk out, people are definitely looking at me]
Brain: That was bad ass
[I drive home, walk in the front door]
Me: Hey dad
Dad: Hi
Me: I got you a burger
Dad: Took long enough.
Me: Dont bring that up
So in case you couldnt tell, my Dad is not in fact dead, I was just pissed off enough to say something horrible, just to fuck this guys day up does that make me a bad person? I guess, but if its any consolation, ] I did tell my dad I did this and he laughed.
Don't think less of me.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
ohmyfuckinggod! some people. yeesh.
what assholes. i would have done the
same thing, or something similar at least.
people can be so shit.. dont break a sweat,
you're one of the good guys, haha.