azzura

"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." - Hal Borland

I have periods of incredible frustration...and periods of great satisfaction. This is not a linear journey where I've arrived." --Shane Gould, three-time Olympic gold medalist, that's life, I am having an emotional day today.

"All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible." --William Faulkner...I feel better now, we are all at the mercy of our great expectations.

Justin (ex love of my life) called me yesterday out of the blue, he apologised to me about a message that he sent me where he was abrupt and unkind. Apparently his wife saw a message on his phone from me (which was completely innocuos) and she freeked out and forced him to sms me that I must never contact him again. They are obviously splitting up. Weird I don't love him in that way anymore but he is the only man I have ever been able to be vulnerable with and everytime we speak whatever sadness I am suppressing whells up and I find myself sobbing.

So this morning I woke up at five in the morning for some obscure reason and I just burst into tears about Sordid Affair Boy (Anton), I don't love him I just wish that he was the fantasy that I made him out to be, I am sad that he is not and that I am still alone.

Anyway enough emotional shit for today, it was actually good to cry, a relief of sorts.

I am writing exams for two weeks so I won't have access to the internet