azzura

I made an appointment to see a therapist tomorrow, I need to deal with my obsessive thoughts that constantly pervade my existence and make it hard for me to focus on my other priorities like work. I called Anton he was very nice and we are meeting on Thursday to chat about what happened as honestly as possible. I also finally called Justin and spoke to him. It was really weird hearing his voice, he greeted me in the that old familiar way that lovers share which brought back a flood of emotion. He was not able to speak to me as he was going into a meeting and said he would call me back He didn't call but sent me a text message saying that he was sorry he didn't call but that he had stuff to sort out and that he would call me today. Last night I had a dream that Justin passed away and I was crying so hard in my dream that I actually woke up with tears streaming down my face and my body shaking in convulsions, this is probably the first time I have cried like that in about a year. It's so fuct up, how can I still love someone sooooo much after all the shit that we put eachother through, after all the unhappiness, the betrayal, after two years of not speaking or seeing eachother. My heart, she is a fucking stubborn bitch, she hates letting go! I obviously haven't dealt with it properly but atleast I am dealing with it now.