@missy, @charmaine, and @rambo set some new homework today, asking what our favourite group on SuicideGirls is and why. I'm a new hopeful, but my favourite group so far is Fetish Photography.
I've been doing live performances with people from my local fetish community for a few years now. Kink, BDSM, and fetish are basically my life. I met both my current partners through fetish community events, I've had some wonderful moments of personal growth, and I've come to love my body, all through my participation in the Toronto fetish community. Going out to my first play party, I saw people of all shapes and sizes in various states of undress. I found a place where I could be as nude or clothed as I like and people would be supportive and wonderful about it. I was made to feel proud of the kinds of relationships and activities I'd always wanted, rather than shamed, and it was glorious. The community has also given me opportunities to learn about how other people think, feel, and live, and grow from experiencing the world in different ways. I can tie people up, be tied, beaten, fetch people water, or lay back and get cuddles and belly scratches, and people are happy for me, and I for them.
Through rope, I found my sport. I'm physically disabled and have been unable to run or do most sports my whole life. I'd try, mainly to stay active and fit, but I mostly ended up hurting myself. With rope I can push my muscles and body to the limit in a low impact way that my body can actually do. I can flex and contort and lift and pull, with a partner or on my own. I can do an arial dance with suspension. I can do strenuous or meditative. But in all of it, I feel capable and strong.
Through masochism, I found my will. I suffer from chronic pain, but when I take a beating it all comes down to one point that I can control and then surrender to. All the pain in my joints fades before a bruised ass, and then the endorphins come and I'm transcendent. I can will myself into feeling the negative aspects of pain, or just the pleasurable ones; the heat, the vibration, the caress, the warm glow flooding my brain with calm. Now that I can tell my nerves what I will and will not tolerate, it's much easier to stand up to external things when I must, or let them flow by when I can.
Through submission, I found my power. I'm very stubborn and independent, but there's something magic and strong about letting go, trusting someone deeply, and using everything you have to make that person truly happy. I have the power to focus on one human being's need, and fulfill that. I can show someone I love that I literally trust them with my life. I have the power to recognize that I don't have to look out for my own interests over those of everyone else just because some loud parts of society tells me that's what power should look like.
The group Fetish Photography is a place where I can share these deep parts of myself. Yes, it can be sexy and lighthearted, but it's great to be able to share moments of connection, strength, and intense joy with other people and have them share with me in turn.
