azazellemoine

"I told my pain who did not suffer
And he laughed at me.
I told my pain to that has suffered,
And he leaned toward me.
His tears flowed before my tears.
He had a wounded heart. "

"J'ai dit ma peine qui n'a pas souffert
Et il s'est ri de moi.
J'ai dit ma peine qui a souffert,
Et il s'est pench vers moi.
Ses larmes ont coul avant mes larmes.
Il avait le coeur bless."
All poems and extracts are Berber Kabyle songs translated by Jean Amrouche (in "Chants Berbres de Kabylie")


I'm on vacation! So I'm take time to write my blog ... I'm really struggling to be consistent in the writing of it. What has happened to me since the end of April? Lot and little thing at the same time! In no particular order: I moved in a new flat, my last grandmother died, I finished the year on the kneecaps (French expression to say that someone is really tired), I moved a big fat pack shit, I went to the best metal festival (Hellfest), I had permission to pass into the upper swimming (Yeah!!!), I have confined myself again about myself, and a sum of small unimportant details.


"Now I have nobody, me;
My look is a flood of tears:
I feel relief,
If I could cry blood! "

"Or je n'ai personne, moi;
Mon regard est un torrent de larmes:
Je sentirais un soulagement,
Si je pouvais pleurer du sang!"


The move has occupied my mind and body since June. First, I had to find a new apartment. I was pretty confident but my confidence has crumbled over the disappointments. On the one hand, I couldnt find what I wanted (a T3 apartment i.e. with two bedrooms). On the other hand, I suffered some setbacks in getting one or two apartments which I liked. Finally, I found a one bedroom apartment in a brand new building. This made me change my neighbourhood in my city but I really like.
It was a little hard to leave my old apartment because I lived there for over 11 years and I have many memories (good and bad ... but more good than bad anyway). In fact, after my parents' house where I lived for 20 years, this apartment was the second place where I spent the most time. Hence the nostalgia at the exit. But now Im well suited my new apartment and I'm very happy. A page has turned, another began. Still, I realized my project No. 1 this year with this move (as well as project No 1 bis with the purchase of a new room and especially a big bed! Goodbye Monks bed).


"Behold, my heart is full of sores:
For other injuries there is no room,
The sources of my life dried up. "

"Voici que mon coeur est couvert d'ulcres:
Pour d'autres blessures il n'y a plus de place,
Les sources de ma vie sont taries."


Otherwise, my last grandmother died in June. The other had died in 1999, and I havent seen my two grandfathers. I wasnt very close to this grandmother, and we rarely saw our reports werent very warm. At her funeral, I was in "heart of stone" throughout the ceremony. It had nothing to do with my grandmother but it was an opportunity to reflect on the relationship between her and my mother (one of her daughters) and, at the same time, the relationship between my mother and I. In short, more anger than pain ... After her death, my aunts and my mother decided to sell all assets in the form of a flea market. I went there without prior expectations, but basically I'm quite happy to have recovered what I could with the old camera from my grandfather, and some books (my grandmother was an avid reader, perhaps the only commonality that we had).


"He left his beloved,
The reason comes in the night,
Mumbling words without vertebrae.

The wind of folly screams in her ... "

"Il a laiss sa bien-aime,
La raison livre la nuit,
Marmonant des mots sans vertbres.

Le vent de folie hurle en elle..."


I spoke earlier of my relationship with my mother. Not simple. In the work I have begun this year, I addressed the issue a lot of my family, my parents and my mother between April and June. So I moved a lot of shit! It hurt but I hope this will lead to the positive end (one side, my relationships are now more cool with my parents since I addressed all these issues with my shrink). Still, that work on this large piece made me withdraw into myself in my relationships. So the idea of the girlfriend, now is a bit forgotten.


"A curse on your parents, oh misery!
Because of you the joy is dead.
In my heart are depressed
The roots of anxiety. "

"Maldiction sur tes parents, misre!
A cause de toi la joie est morte.
Dans mon coeur se sont enfonces
Les racines de l'inquitude."


Otherwise, the big highlight of this period (after my move) was the Hellfest. This festival is the biggest metal festival of its kind in France and one of the largest in Europe. Three days, more than 150 groups and over 100,000 spectators. For my part, I was volunteer once again at the festival. That's cool: I serve at my "cultural community", and I take three days of free concerts. Just great! By cons, my work this year I was very tired. I was cleaning and it's pretty physical. I have been sleeping as well during the Napalm Deaths concert!!!! I've also seen some good concerts including Suffocation, Rompeprop, and Black Label Society (and also Madball, Dog Eat dog, Refused...). I havent taken advantage of Behemoth concert, so I'll go see them again at another festival in August. They pass the same day than Immortal!!!! Beautiful black evening in perspective! Hell fucking yeah!!!!!!!!!!


"This is the day where they dig my grave;
A pick-ax they cut the walls.
They prepare two pis' bags,
One for the feet, one for the head.
O my beloved body, they'll go down,
Put your head on earth where you will rot! "

"Voici le jour o ils creusent ma tombe;
A coups de pioche ils taillent les parois.
Ils prparent deux coussins en pis,
Un pour les pieds, un pour la tte.
mon corps bien aim, ils vont te descendre,
Pose ta tte sur la terre o te prendra la pourriture!"


During my holidays (until August 22), I take to arrange my apartment. So I make a lot of tinkering and that's cool! Otherwise, Ill also a lot sports (swimming and cycling, today I rode nearly 46 kilometres). I lost weight since April and I'm trying to find a super nice line! In September, I may be sharpened as has been a long time that this doesnt happen to me!


For the french who don't like read English (without Kabyle songs)