ayla

Wow, noticing that these updates are starting to be later and later?

Yeah, well, get used to it. I am.

As it turns out, I now have TWO jobs. Yeah, I'm gonna be a workaholic. But you know what? I kinda missed that...back in September and October, when I was working two jobs and was going to school as well. Granted, the pressure did get to me, very much so. But at the same time, I liked that I was so busy, and had so many things to do, so many responsibilites to keep up with. I felt productive, accomplished. For those few weeks, I didn't have time to worry about anyone other than myself, my then boyfriend and my roomate. All of which were necessary worries. I didn't have time for drama in my life, and I didn't allow it. Once the end of October hit, that's all it seemed to be. I'm surprised I didn't walk away sooner from everyone and everything, I should have walked away from the start.

Lately...that's all it seems to be, and I hate it. I prefer that if I can't sit down with whom I'm fighting with and come to a mutual solution, I'd much rather just drop the entire spat and move on with my life. I liked that this time last year, I had a set routine. Get up, go to work, come home. Maybe go out with a couple of friends, or my significant other. It was routine, yes, and sometimes it was boring. But it was....normal...for lack of a better term. It was typical, predictable, comfortable, and most of all unstressful.

I like that I'm going to be getting back to that type of life. One where I don't have to worry about who's starting shit with who, and who said this or that about me or someone else, or this person is stalking that person and other random high schoolesque bullshit that I had come to despise when I was in high school. Becaue really, all the shit that's happened in the past month is reminescent of high school, and really, it's disgusted me that I ever became involved with it. I'd like to think that I'm above that, y'know?

And right now, at this very moment, I could drop back into that mentality, so easily, so readily, it's tempting - trust me, it is. But, to tell you the truth, I really don't care enough to bother, the urge was there for a millisecond, but it faded, and I was left just staring and thinking, "Why bother at all? What's the point? What is there to be so angry or worried about?". It would be beating a dead horse essentially; I might as well start talking to a wall, I'd get a more intelligent reaction. I've got other things to worry about, bigger fish to fry. I see the situiation present before my eyes, one that's begging me to sink to a lower level and retalitate in a childish manner....but what will I gain from it in the end? Nothing. Because there is nothing there. Just more snide, petty, childish behavior waiting to be encouraged and frankly...I'd rather just let the whole shebang prattle on and on until it dies because really, no one here or anywhere cares enough to pay attention.

So in closing, I'm growing up. Finally. Perhaps we're all growing up in some form, no matter how old or young we are. For some, it just takes longer. I'm moving on with my life and starting next week, I can end another chapter in my life and start a new one.

And sad as it may sound, may it be utterly mundane and routine compared to the last one.

I can't ask for anything more.