ayla

*copied and pasted from Livejournal*

So, I did something I haven't done in over ten years.

I sat on the steps of a Catholic church. Keep this in mind: Catholisism and I have never been friendly. Good thing I'm not Catholic. But upon leaving, I still felt the urge to be respectful and to make the motion of the Cross. Old habits die hard. Find another Pagan that will do that. I bet you won't.

I used to go to a Catholic school in fourth grade. Tramatizing times, yes they were, but there was a familiar comfort in dipping my fingers in the basin of holy water, kneeling and making the motion of the cross at the basin and again at the pew. It became a chore after a while, but there was always that little hope that maybe I could make a connection with a higher state of being. I understood the importance of connection at eight, shouldn't I have been more worried about Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers at that time?

Even at that age though, I couldn't stand dogmatic law. I didn't understand how there could be rules made around a basic idea of acceptance and connection to an ultimate being. The idea is wonderful, but it's in all denominations that the messge becomes lost over the trials and tribulations of trying to rule with fear and mass stupidity. They thrive off of idea that if you don't completely adhere to the demands of an unviewable deity, that you're forever damned and will spend eternity in one of the seven circles of hell...or even worse, purgatory. After all, it's far more better to send someone into permanent torture with the never ending thought of "Oh god, I could end up in hell...or heaven...or hell...". It's completly sado-masochistic, and yet, over 75% of the Christian population seem to have accepted that as rule of thumb and follow it with a blind eye, thus dubbing Catholisism as the number one Christian denomination.

I credit Catholisism and Jehovah Witness-ism for driving me to a neo Pagan belief and practice.

I do practice "witchcraft", and I am not ashamed of it. I don't view it as witchcraft, but rather the pratice of an earthly religion. You'll find that with all Christianty based denominations, that there is God, then Jesus, then the angels. The angels sort of control the population and help keep the world at a balanced level by creating miracles, healing the sick, ushering the dying into another existance, amoung others.

I do believe in a higher being, albeit a god, goddess, or maybe both. They're both derived from the same idea and belief that there is a Creator, that we didn't evolve and there is a reason we are here. I believe that there is God/Dess and then there are the second in commands - spirits, entities, engeries - much like Jesus is to Christianity. Then there come the angels, which would be a select few. Which would be us, the sort of "human" angels. The ones that are telekinetic, clairvoyant, telepathic, again amoung others. There are good energies and there are bad. There are good spirits and there are bad. For everything there must be an opposite in order to acheive balence. Those who are able to control these substances are the ones dubbed for a specific purpose: to help keep the world balanced. Now, whether or not they want to use the gifts bestowed upon them for their purpose is up to them. They can let them sit, basically a wasted gift. They can use them for good to help keep everything in check, use them for what they're meant for. Or they can use them for evil, and run the risk of Karma biting their asses hard and learning a very painful lesson.

I also wonder if those who have strong powers are able to attract the general populus, attract people who aren't blessed, who are just people. Like...the stronger the powers, the stronger the spirit in the person or around the person, the more people are attracted. Like for example, Amber. For all the times that we go out, she never notices how people just stop and stare, follow her every move. Their heads turn when she walks by. And it seems as though most of the time she's oblivious to this. She attracts people of all types to her. Guy and girl. And to me, she's just....Amber, my best friend, my sister, my partner-in-crime. The same thing happens to me, but to less of an extent and half the time I get called Avril Lavigne....let's not go there, shall we? But I have started to notice that a few people will just watch me go by. And I don't dress or look different than any other young adult in San Jose. I do wonder if people can pick up on the energies that radiate from a powerful being. Shit, I serious do think that Davey practices or has some overwhelmingly strong powers, cause people just flock to him. It could be because he's in a band, but people were doing that LONG before AFI blew up. People just look, you can't help but look. Whether you like him or hate him, think he's gay, straight, or bi, like his band or hate his band - you can't help but be drawn in by him. There is just something there. And he's the world's biggest dork! But you're still sucked in.

Ironic. I start my Winamp out on Godsmack's "Serenity" and now, as I approach the end of this entry, it's on "Reiver's Music." My luck.

This is my belief structure. And I stand by it.