Okay, been busy for about a month, and have to ask...what the hell is going on? I can't get any SG pics to show up ANYWHERE!
What a long month its been, too. Did one show, designed sound a for another, helped build one theatre group's sound set up...got into GWU, which is like a half block from the White House (So if we get bombed I'll be the first to go
) Started to construct characters for the screen play finally. got called to do another show, but freaked out because I was over whelmed and flaked, started deconstrunction on the 60's/70's "devil childern films" (Which I also used for help with the screen play), had my computer self-destruct (don't ask) in the middle of doing a show (hence no journal enteries for like a month)
But I'm Happy. Extremely happy. For the first in my life I feel like what I want is actually attainable. See, when I was growing up I was obsesed over music and film, but I have CP, so motor skills, visual sequencing ablities, symbolic sequencing abilties, etc. were...well, I guess just though it was always going to be hopeless. Like, when I lived in Md., I was in ska band (playing bass), but mMy muscle were so tense that I held my breath when I tried to play, and thus had no rhythem, or ear for harmony, etc. Every time we had a gig I'd embarass my self, the band etc....but then we came to Charlotte, where, after I got through (and, to a certain extent, while I was in) that whole pesky mental illness/drug OD/BDSM/generally being a self-destructive/self-centered asshole faze in high school (which is a part of my life that is now, and has been for quite some time, behind me) I just practiced...and worked. I watched movie after movie, and took classes, and practiced the bass until my hand hurt so bad I could barely hold a pen to write the next day, and my finger tips had blood blisters on them...anyway, you get the point.
So now here I am, 21 years old on the 30th, and you knw what? I can do it...everything I've wanted for my whole life, I can just, do it, you know? I'm going to be famous (at least in an underground sort of way) very soon ,I know. I have no fear now, no "hole" inside of myself that causes me to project th things I hate about my self onto every one else (and thus hate them), or make my muscle tense up, I can just...be. Because I got to thinking about my life today
("...OPINIONS WERE LIKE KITTENS-I WAS GIVING AWAY...")
I thought about My life today
("...I HAD A LOT TO SAY, AND I SAID...")
Doctors, My Boy Scout leaders, preachers at my old catholic high school, my father (who I never the less love very much), my pyschoatic ex-gilfriends, dumb fuck jocks,and mostly (and pretty much entirly) me...("...YOU WILL COME DOWN, SOON TOO...)All those [people told me that I'd never walk, or speak, or when spoke said I didn't clearly so, and when spoke and slower said I was beinga smart ass, and said I was weird because I had to fight to control my leg, my hands, my mouth from jittering, all of it's gone, now.("...YOU WILL COME DOWN, TUNE SUE...") I can Stand up straight, and balance, and play music. I am not a victim. I never was of any one except myself. I love all of you. I mean that. Don't let negetivity, and sexism, and racism, annd self-loathing, and violence, and all that other shit (what ever the shit is that comes down around) make you believe you have failed Don't make yourself believe you have failed.
("....YOU WLL COME DOWN, YOU WILL COME DOWN, COME DOWN...")
EMPATHIZE DON'T VICTIMIZE. For it is only after you empathize with others that you can begin to fight for yourself.
Sorry to come so meladramatica nad shit. I know I'm usually a lot more funny/ chilled out. I just had vent all of that stuff. But I really mean what I said in th paragraph above this one, though...
What a long month its been, too. Did one show, designed sound a for another, helped build one theatre group's sound set up...got into GWU, which is like a half block from the White House (So if we get bombed I'll be the first to go
) Started to construct characters for the screen play finally. got called to do another show, but freaked out because I was over whelmed and flaked, started deconstrunction on the 60's/70's "devil childern films" (Which I also used for help with the screen play), had my computer self-destruct (don't ask) in the middle of doing a show (hence no journal enteries for like a month)
But I'm Happy. Extremely happy. For the first in my life I feel like what I want is actually attainable. See, when I was growing up I was obsesed over music and film, but I have CP, so motor skills, visual sequencing ablities, symbolic sequencing abilties, etc. were...well, I guess just though it was always going to be hopeless. Like, when I lived in Md., I was in ska band (playing bass), but mMy muscle were so tense that I held my breath when I tried to play, and thus had no rhythem, or ear for harmony, etc. Every time we had a gig I'd embarass my self, the band etc....but then we came to Charlotte, where, after I got through (and, to a certain extent, while I was in) that whole pesky mental illness/drug OD/BDSM/generally being a self-destructive/self-centered asshole faze in high school (which is a part of my life that is now, and has been for quite some time, behind me) I just practiced...and worked. I watched movie after movie, and took classes, and practiced the bass until my hand hurt so bad I could barely hold a pen to write the next day, and my finger tips had blood blisters on them...anyway, you get the point.
So now here I am, 21 years old on the 30th, and you knw what? I can do it...everything I've wanted for my whole life, I can just, do it, you know? I'm going to be famous (at least in an underground sort of way) very soon ,I know. I have no fear now, no "hole" inside of myself that causes me to project th things I hate about my self onto every one else (and thus hate them), or make my muscle tense up, I can just...be. Because I got to thinking about my life today
("...OPINIONS WERE LIKE KITTENS-I WAS GIVING AWAY...")
I thought about My life today
("...I HAD A LOT TO SAY, AND I SAID...")
Doctors, My Boy Scout leaders, preachers at my old catholic high school, my father (who I never the less love very much), my pyschoatic ex-gilfriends, dumb fuck jocks,and mostly (and pretty much entirly) me...("...YOU WILL COME DOWN, SOON TOO...)All those [people told me that I'd never walk, or speak, or when spoke said I didn't clearly so, and when spoke and slower said I was beinga smart ass, and said I was weird because I had to fight to control my leg, my hands, my mouth from jittering, all of it's gone, now.("...YOU WILL COME DOWN, TUNE SUE...") I can Stand up straight, and balance, and play music. I am not a victim. I never was of any one except myself. I love all of you. I mean that. Don't let negetivity, and sexism, and racism, annd self-loathing, and violence, and all that other shit (what ever the shit is that comes down around) make you believe you have failed Don't make yourself believe you have failed.
("....YOU WLL COME DOWN, YOU WILL COME DOWN, COME DOWN...")
EMPATHIZE DON'T VICTIMIZE. For it is only after you empathize with others that you can begin to fight for yourself.
Sorry to come so meladramatica nad shit. I know I'm usually a lot more funny/ chilled out. I just had vent all of that stuff. But I really mean what I said in th paragraph above this one, though...
zenhell:
welcome back noble being