I saw John Tejada Last night, and I made a total idiot out myself 
. Dave (ha!ha! Raver Dave) (he hates that
) brought him to Charlotte. When he introduced me, I was so stunned that John Tejada was actually standing in front of me, all I could get out was "I love your work", or some really stupid bullshit in that vein of things. I had lots of fun, though 
. Danced really hard all night, with a couple of really cute girls. Bryson said he would show up, and he did (always a surprise 
) Robyn and Christina and some other people I knew were there(and a lot of annoying Tonic people I'm glad I don't) . Kriss played before John. Kriss is a good DJ, but playing earliest in the evening means nobody will be their to see your set, so hardly anybody danced. Dave played afterward, but I missed his set. I must admit, I've really gotta hand it to Dave, though. I mean, the guy is 22 and He can already get some of the best house/techno DJ's in the country (John Tejada, Jeff Samuel, Kriss told me they're working on Akufen) to come Charlotte, North Carolina, a town where the counter-culture and underground are basically rigor mortal at this point. (And they say High School drop outs amount to nothing!)
I've got to get my shit together! I'm going to record something later tonight...though I've been telling myself that for weeks now. I laced the beat with acid pro, and wrote a very preliminary chord progression. I've been working on the licks for the bass line a lot, but the problem with that is, I'm such fucking perfectionist, the creation process slows down exponitionally the longer I practice...
Got up the this morning with a terrible hangover, but was in a good mood any how. Fuck, man, moving sucks! I have to stay here all week and keep the house open for showings . And I don't have a job out side of a few summer shows at this point because it would be pointless, so I've got a lot of spare time on my hands. I'm continueing my criitical work on Grabriel Garcia Marquez/Magical Realism, and Hitchcock, and studying archetypal theory/physcology. I got into SCAD in Savanah, I guess I'm happy...I can't really tell now 
.I sick of falling to do shit all the time. Like music, you know? I've loved music all my life, but I just used to blame my CP so much for being bad at it . Now that I'm finally good enough...I don't now, its like I'm frightened of taking it to that next step of finally putting it all together/recording/putting shit out. I'M SCARED OF FAILING AT RECORDING SOMETHING ON MY HARD DRIVE! I have like a million times to do it over again. Jesus, sometimes I'm convinced I am singularly more full of shit than any other human being on the face of the planet 
. And its all on me, now. Like I just had the realization recently. No more "I'm a helpless cripal...the CP ruined my linear squencing ability, thats why I'm bad musician...blah, blah, blah . BULLSHIT. I suddenly get this desperate feeling that I have to do something that will define my abilities in the eyes of the world, something people will know me for. I'll tell myself "I'm a genius musician" and "I will be famous for film making and music within a year from my twenty first birthday" and "I will go through my self to become famous", hoping for some kind of placebo effect, But I'm so frightened of failure, I'm scared to even try. So I'll just use the magic placebo effect, and soon, probably even later tonight or tommorrow, I won't be afraid to try any more. Placebo, placebo, the magic polacebo. "A friend in need is a friend indeed..." Ha! Ha! 
. I already feel better just having vented all shit ! Few! I'm serious, like, I feel so releaved now! Well, I'm off to go record something now! If any that sounds psychoatic, catatonically depressing, etc., ignore it. I was just being over reactive again . I love all of you 
.
Funny how I had to go through the motions of describing what I did last night to get to that. Just overly analytical, I guess . Is it easy for you come right out with what the problem is when your venting, or do you have to be all convaluted and esoteric like me?
. Dave (ha!ha! Raver Dave) (he hates that ) brought him to Charlotte. When he introduced me, I was so stunned that John Tejada was actually standing in front of me, all I could get out was "I love your work", or some really stupid bullshit in that vein of things. I had lots of fun, though . Danced really hard all night, with a couple of really cute girls. Bryson said he would show up, and he did (always a surprise ) Robyn and Christina and some other people I knew were there(and a lot of annoying Tonic people I'm glad I don't) . Kriss played before John. Kriss is a good DJ, but playing earliest in the evening means nobody will be their to see your set, so hardly anybody danced. Dave played afterward, but I missed his set. I must admit, I've really gotta hand it to Dave, though. I mean, the guy is 22 and He can already get some of the best house/techno DJ's in the country (John Tejada, Jeff Samuel, Kriss told me they're working on Akufen) to come Charlotte, North Carolina, a town where the counter-culture and underground are basically rigor mortal at this point. (And they say High School drop outs amount to nothing!)
I've got to get my shit together! I'm going to record something later tonight...though I've been telling myself that for weeks now. I laced the beat with acid pro, and wrote a very preliminary chord progression. I've been working on the licks for the bass line a lot, but the problem with that is, I'm such fucking perfectionist, the creation process slows down exponitionally the longer I practice...
Got up the this morning with a terrible hangover, but was in a good mood any how. Fuck, man, moving sucks! I have to stay here all week and keep the house open for showings
. And I don't have a job out side of a few summer shows at this point because it would be pointless, so I've got a lot of spare time on my hands. I'm continueing my criitical work on Grabriel Garcia Marquez/Magical Realism, and Hitchcock, and studying archetypal theory/physcology. I got into SCAD in Savanah, I guess I'm happy...I can't really tell now .I sick of falling to do shit all the time. Like music, you know? I've loved music all my life, but I just used to blame my CP so much for being bad at it . Now that I'm finally good enough...I don't now, its like I'm frightened of taking it to that next step of finally putting it all together/recording/putting shit out. I'M SCARED OF FAILING AT RECORDING SOMETHING ON MY HARD DRIVE! I have like a million times to do it over again. Jesus, sometimes I'm convinced I am singularly more full of shit than any other human being on the face of the planet . And its all on me, now. Like I just had the realization recently. No more "I'm a helpless cripal...the CP ruined my linear squencing ability, thats why I'm bad musician...blah, blah, blah . BULLSHIT. I suddenly get this desperate feeling that I have to do something that will define my abilities in the eyes of the world, something people will know me for. I'll tell myself "I'm a genius musician" and "I will be famous for film making and music within a year from my twenty first birthday" and "I will go through my self to become famous", hoping for some kind of placebo effect, But I'm so frightened of failure, I'm scared to even try. So I'll just use the magic placebo effect, and soon, probably even later tonight or tommorrow, I won't be afraid to try any more. Placebo, placebo, the magic polacebo. "A friend in need is a friend indeed..." Ha! Ha! . I already feel better just having vented all shit ! Few! I'm serious, like, I feel so releaved now! Well, I'm off to go record something now! If any that sounds psychoatic, catatonically depressing, etc., ignore it. I was just being over reactive again . I love all of you .
Funny how I had to go through the motions of describing what I did last night to get to that. Just overly analytical, I guess
. Is it easy for you come right out with what the problem is when your venting, or do you have to be all convaluted and esoteric like me?