So I just got off work and realized something pretty lame...I am completely lonely. I'm not an idiot by any means, I know its my fault I'm jaded and have made myself immune to love or feelings of any kind when it comes to having a "relationship." Like anyone I've been hurt in the past difference is I've given up on dating or anything. Working in the bar has also taken its toll. You get to see the nasty side of human nature. The guy who brings his girlfriend in while he's "working late" and the wife is at home, or the guy that hits on the bartender while his girlfriend is in the bathroom. So for over a year now I've done the single thing. I have great guy friends and that's about it, been on a few dates. I'm getting to the point now where I WANT to try again. I want to come home and crawl into bed with someone I love who I know hasn't been fucking around while I was at work. I want to go back to the old me where I could love someone completely without fear. I want someone who will love me that way in return. However, I've grown accustomed to being alone and not taking a chance on being hurt. I guess I've grown pretty selfish and use to doing my own thing. Its just getting to a point where I'm realizing that all my friends have boyfriends/girlfriends or husbands whatever and then there's me. My one friend can't even sleep at night unless her husband is there, I kinda wanna be in love like that. 
Playing the tough chick is getting old.
Playing the tough chick is getting old. VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
thyestean23:
Karma smiles on everyone...at least thats what im hoping. This doesnt change the fact that people suck and tend to disappoint. You'll know when its right, but I dont blame you for staying off the market. I personally could never imaging dating again...i'd like too, but I don't I could actually do it. Chin up, sister...we all have our shit.
look_mom_no_soul:
I guess good luck? I know this is an old one but I felt compelled to say something. I am where you were a year ago and after talking yesterday with my son's mother it has become so much clearer why people do these kind of things. I don't know what to tell you that would be very encouraging, im so fed up with the whole thing that even going to dinner with someone seems like a waste of time. But if you long for that companionship it will find YOU, not usually the other way around. Hope he comes along for you, just cuz some of us are too fucked up to function in a real relationship doesn't mean you cant be happy