okay my internal clock is now officially OFF. i sleep all day and am up all night. i think i'm trying to avoid sunlight. or anything that makes me realize that i am going to have to make decisions about the rest of my life soon. nothing major, but i just liked the life i had mentally planned a month ago. i don't want to make a new life plan yet. i realized that i am seething in a pit of depression today. i have to pull myself out of it. i think a lot of this has to do with the fact i have NEVER had a break up in which i never spoke to the person again. like where it was just over and done. most of the time there is a friendship there that just doesn't end. but now.....you know it's just like he was here, now he's not. i'm crumbling so much more than i care to admit. i feel pathetic about it, and i'm sorry to keep boring you all with it. i know that it's better for me this way. i don't know why i'm so fixated, and can't not be sad and cry about him. i hate it.
in other news....i now weigh 235. i think being bed bound and not eating helped. i think i need to take baby steps in leaving the house. so i think the gym may help that. i do like my gym. even though it will forever remind me of fucking HIM cause he is the on who got me to join and go, and like it.....but i think it's a good way to leave the house, do something good, and not have to look pretty. my face hasn't seen any sort of make up in a week, and my hair is perpetually up in a bun thing on the top of my head, and i'm liking it that way.
though maybe i just need to go to the spa for the day. i don't know. i don't hate life right now, i'm just not very enthusiastic about it.
robot chicken did make me happy today...
EDIT:
check out my horoscope for today...i think i needed it...
It still might take a few more days for your life to return to normal, for you have recently been on a wild ride. You are being given a chance to think about your experiences and decide what to do next. Just remember that it's easy for you now to make nearly anything look bigger, better or more important than it truly is. Bringing yourself back to reality is healthier than waiting for someone else to do it for you.
in other news....i now weigh 235. i think being bed bound and not eating helped. i think i need to take baby steps in leaving the house. so i think the gym may help that. i do like my gym. even though it will forever remind me of fucking HIM cause he is the on who got me to join and go, and like it.....but i think it's a good way to leave the house, do something good, and not have to look pretty. my face hasn't seen any sort of make up in a week, and my hair is perpetually up in a bun thing on the top of my head, and i'm liking it that way.
though maybe i just need to go to the spa for the day. i don't know. i don't hate life right now, i'm just not very enthusiastic about it.
robot chicken did make me happy today...
EDIT:
check out my horoscope for today...i think i needed it...
It still might take a few more days for your life to return to normal, for you have recently been on a wild ride. You are being given a chance to think about your experiences and decide what to do next. Just remember that it's easy for you now to make nearly anything look bigger, better or more important than it truly is. Bringing yourself back to reality is healthier than waiting for someone else to do it for you.
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That'll take your mind off stuff ;]
And lady, you can feel however you want. I know what you mean about one day they're in your life, and the next day, the world is totally different. It's a messed up thing to deal with. Just take care of yourself, that's all that's important right now.