It's been forever since I put anything in here. But I suppose now would be a good time as any to update. My life here at home is shit. The only good that has come from being home,[ and I must say this outweighs alot of the bad.] are my children. They are my world, and granted I may be at work too much to see them as much as I'd like, or even be able to tolerate my children's moms.[ besides being able to tolerate them to spread their legs. yeah yeah.] Things have just been an utter mess since I came home, I think every morning how good it would feel to wake up in the rainy mess of North Carolina again, just to be able to put on those Camies again and call myself an active duty Marine again.
To know my job and know that no matter what, I'd have friends to help me decide on what to do when things broadside me. Instead of just spinning in a downward spiral with no real support, like I am here. I left my brothers there in North Carolina, and they are now in Al-Fallujah and Kuwait. That is where I want to be. Because they where my support, like I was their's when I was with them. Civilian life doesn't show that kind of companionship, that kind of brotherhood. The closest relationship you can have in a civilian world is more complicated it seems. Unless you're in a meaningful relationship, be it a friend, lover, family... They always need work, always need attention. Now I lack here as well to the point that I have only two people that I've known forever that are friends, I have no lover, and my family is more fucked up then Charles Mansion... So in all reality I'm unsure what to do, and my only driving force that is in proximity are my children.
But even then I feel like I've failed them, Like...imagine if you must that you have been stripped of your armor that protects your emotions and you are left exposed. That is where I am. That broken puzzle, lacking the intimate hand to help put me back together. And it will be all the more painful, when my children then realize that there is something wrong with daddy. I'm at a loss on what to say now.
To know my job and know that no matter what, I'd have friends to help me decide on what to do when things broadside me. Instead of just spinning in a downward spiral with no real support, like I am here. I left my brothers there in North Carolina, and they are now in Al-Fallujah and Kuwait. That is where I want to be. Because they where my support, like I was their's when I was with them. Civilian life doesn't show that kind of companionship, that kind of brotherhood. The closest relationship you can have in a civilian world is more complicated it seems. Unless you're in a meaningful relationship, be it a friend, lover, family... They always need work, always need attention. Now I lack here as well to the point that I have only two people that I've known forever that are friends, I have no lover, and my family is more fucked up then Charles Mansion... So in all reality I'm unsure what to do, and my only driving force that is in proximity are my children.
But even then I feel like I've failed them, Like...imagine if you must that you have been stripped of your armor that protects your emotions and you are left exposed. That is where I am. That broken puzzle, lacking the intimate hand to help put me back together. And it will be all the more painful, when my children then realize that there is something wrong with daddy. I'm at a loss on what to say now.