i really feel giddy today. im not sure why..maybe its cause i had REAL coffee before i came in, or maybe its that i over my sadness from the weekend. I need to just stop the shit i do to myself. I look in the mirror and realize i aint that bad.
OK! I need to kiss and make love to a woman again bad..its fricken killing me here people..and I meet girls online from all over the world who would want to be be with me..almost none are from the US..shit, id make a trek to get some girlie action, and not even for the website, for real life i need a woman bad love making. I mean i love my man, and he is AMAZING in everyway..but i still crave women..and well..he's cool with it..
so yeah, it sucks..i quit smoking and went on my diet about a year and a half ago, I have lost a bit of weight and well, still crave smokes here and there, but I'm really thinking, in the year and half that he and i have been together, he has had the biggest impact on my life. He didnt tell me to loose the weight, because he desired me when i was chubby when we first were together,he didnt tell me to quit smoking, but i wanted to becuse he was a nonsmoker-as soon as i met him I wanted to improve myself-i think its part of why i beat myself up is because i have spent so much time sith self improvent this past year that in a way i gave up the addiction to smoking in exchange for the addiction to self improvement. if that makes sense.
anyway enough of the debbie downer shit, though its not really that im down, im just reflecting.
I really want my website to start rolling, but my biz. partner is on his month long vacation, and then i'll have some work come august..just getting antsy to get my name out there..its not about the money, i honestly care less, i mean hell it'll be nice to have a few extra bucks, but honestly I just really love sex, and pleasure and showing off that being Jenna Jameson is sexy to some, but being Avalon Chase can be sexy too..
all right im done..