avalon

nullunjustifiable routines of flimsy fuck ups


i did a certain narcotic saturday for the first time ever (really) and i know that sounds bad but i had the most in depth conversation. it amazes me how many people deny themselves to be happy and to be free. people bitch and moan about so many things and do little to rectify it. i cannot say i have not been one of these people but, i am much stronger than that now. i think back to myself when i was younger and i was such a follower and so naive and insecure. i have been through a lot and i have learned a lot. i just wish people would take a second to pull themselves out of their own world and look at it from a different view. people find what works for them and rely on it without pushing themsleves further. they basically settle. this is ludicrous to me. how can you just settle for what is enough to get by? what if this turns into something that destroys you? they you will be destroyed. i have never been a person to do shit half assed. if i do something- i do it all the way or not at all. i am always open to expand my self and my mind to new things or new experiences. i am a adaptable person and i am always reinventing myself to survive and to be happy. basically i question the human race and why and how they can settle. why they have limits. life is short and this is a blunt reality. that is why there is no time to be lazy and unproductive. there is no time for useless and predictable drama. there is no time to be stagnant and get lost in self pity. it is ridiculous. there is no use in wallowing and belly aching in your afflictions and in your scars. that is like playing in your own blood- it's sick. you must move forward to live or if you want to parallel my life. if you wanna come with me. never be satsified with yourself and your mind. always look to learn and never get lost in a world of drugs, alcohol and sex. that is way too fucking easy and what i see to be the american dream. no one wants anymore than this. but i do. i am not trying to change the world. anyone who says this usually only goes as far as thinking about it. i want to change my life and what i have control over. everything in moderation. take everything in. document every emotion. feel everything possible. intense pain can sometimes set you free if you learn from it. shit- grab life by the balls and show it what is up. otherwise you lose. other wise you are a waste. otherwise you are like everyone else. other wise you will never matter or be worth remembering. deal with it you lazy fucks. this is a wake up call to you and also a reminder that your life is ticking away as you read this and try to justify why your life sucks. it is because you let it suck. how you like them apples fuck nut?

Radiohead- Just

Can't get the stink off
He's been hanging round for days
Comes like a comet
Suckered you but not your friends
One day he'll get to you
And teach you how to be a holy cow

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you and no one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself

Don't get my sympathy
Hanging out the 15th floor
You've changed the locks three times
He still comes reeling through the door
One day I'll get you
And teach you how to get to purest hell

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself... yourself... yourself...