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aurora_b_alice

Alaska

Member Since 2004

Followers 53 Following 31

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Monday Sep 12, 2005

Sep 12, 2005
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It's so hard to come to terms with the fact that you're lost. I thought I had a firm footing on a career path I was going to succeed in, but now I don't think I have the chops for the serious competition. What else am I going to do with my life? I don't know. I don't know and at first it terrified me and now I'm getting used to the idea.

I don't think I want to work primarily as a freelancer. I want stability, and I'm not sure if I could be successful as a steady working freelancer with well-paying jobs.

The fear of failure prevents me from drawing at all anymore. I've lost confidence in my abilities. I'm waiting right now, striking up philosophical questions with anyone who will listen about career goals, life as an artist, personal success, and fear. Everyone says you never know what's going to happen, where you will work, just follow your passion and you will be happy. If my passion for art is strong enough, it will drive me through the hard times. I'm not sure if I have the strength and motivation I used to. I hate not knowing what's going to happen. I fear working in some horrible job like Borders for money. Maybe that fear will drive me.

Right now I spend too much time worrying about things I don't take action on, even though I know what I should be doing, and that's drawing.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
stillifegaijin:
my bandmate, george (GL3), is from portland. i visited him there when i lived in atlanta. my choices were to move there, san fran or LA...i chose LA because of weather mostly. san fran is too expensive...portland, though i enjoy it in short bursts and tend to romanticize it, became very depressing to me after a week or so. so, i moved here and then he moved down...happy, happy...i'm about to visit seattle again, as i loved it on my last visit. seattle is the one place in the U.S. that i think i might consider moving when i'm bored with LA. similiar to portland but more of an actual city and i think it's prettier...less industrial.

yes, the lack of a constant paycheck is what drives my girlfriend crazy...and the constant stress of looking for jobs. she is a make-up artist...but not the one that our cd is about...she was a 7th grade english teacher for 6 years and just took a year off to pursue her artistic vision...

jw
Sep 13, 2005
facegarden:
I'm doing engineering and business at Santa Clara u. smile
-Taylor
Sep 13, 2005

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