aurora83

Yea so today sucked. I hate being sick....

And more than that I hate being depressed. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish someone would tell me so I could fix it.

I guess everyone know by now that I "broke up" with Shawn. well we were barely dating in the first place... so whatever you want to call it. I kinda regret it in some ways. Everyone kept telling me he was just using me. And maybe they were right, but I also realized that I was just wasting my time. I have done the whole "lets just hang out for fun" thing too many times, and I'm getting bored with it. Usually just ends with them breaking it off the moment I don't put out (not that I thought Shawn would've done that, but you get the point) If that's the kind of thing I wanted, I would only date frat boys.

But I want a relationship with someone, and he obviously doesn't want that with me. Hell, he was home for a month and barely called me 2, maybe 3 times. I think he told me about going out with his "friend" Elizabeth more times than that. (lets face it no guy is EVER friends with a girl, unless at some point they wanted something else.)

And I know the whole distance thing is an obstacle, but if you want to put effort into it, it can work. But he's said more than once that he doesn't want that. I don't know why he ever started talking to me in the first place if he already knew he didn't want that. I mean, somehow he got my screen name (I still can't figure that one out.... we have no mutal friends) and started talking to me while I was in Shreveport, and he was in Baton Rouge. WHY? If he wanted nothing to do with me then, why bother? Was this all in hope that he thought he could get laid when he came home to Shreveport? He seemed like a nicer guy than that. I just don't get it. oh well.

So my point is... I've got to quit wasting my time with guys who are immature and don't know what they want. I am a beautiful bombshell, and when the right guy comes along, he will realize it too. It's Shawn's loss... not mine.