Wow, so Christmas was good. I got some nice things (SHOES!!) and all was good. Nothing really much to say tho.
I'm still kinda depressed
It wasn't that Christmas was bad or anything (well except for the family fights going on between my brother and his crazy in-laws) But the holiday was good otherwise. Doesn't make much sense to me either. I dunno its not really a depression, but more of a sense of loneliness I suppose.
Yea I think thats exactly what it is. I don't mean to sound pathetic tho, but I just can't help it. And yes before Seth goes "Lonely??? wtf are you talking about? you've got Shawn haven't you??!" I think thats exactly the cause of it. I haven't had a guy look my way in years, but I was fine with it, no big deal. But this thing with Shawn is just temporary... he's SAID so... he's moving to Austin and I'm moving to Dallas eventually, so it would never work out. So after he leaves in late January well, its over. And all he's done is to remind me of all I'd been missing all these years.
Its like when you quit eating chocolate (or whatever it is you love), and then after a few years you decide to indulge yourself one day. Well you just reminded yourself how much you LOVED chocolate and can't help yourself but have a terrible craving for it. And then when you can't have it again you feel all the more sad for it.
I guess thats the best explanation I can give... but I suddenly feel this horrible loneliness seeping into me, and just feel so afraid that it will always be this way.
I know, I know.... its Christmas and I should be happy, besides I've got Shawn for another month anyhow right? But how much more attached to him will I feel after that month??
I'm still kinda depressed
It wasn't that Christmas was bad or anything (well except for the family fights going on between my brother and his crazy in-laws) But the holiday was good otherwise. Doesn't make much sense to me either. I dunno its not really a depression, but more of a sense of loneliness I suppose.
Yea I think thats exactly what it is. I don't mean to sound pathetic tho, but I just can't help it. And yes before Seth goes "Lonely??? wtf are you talking about? you've got Shawn haven't you??!" I think thats exactly the cause of it. I haven't had a guy look my way in years, but I was fine with it, no big deal. But this thing with Shawn is just temporary... he's SAID so... he's moving to Austin and I'm moving to Dallas eventually, so it would never work out. So after he leaves in late January well, its over. And all he's done is to remind me of all I'd been missing all these years.
Its like when you quit eating chocolate (or whatever it is you love), and then after a few years you decide to indulge yourself one day. Well you just reminded yourself how much you LOVED chocolate and can't help yourself but have a terrible craving for it. And then when you can't have it again you feel all the more sad for it.
I guess thats the best explanation I can give... but I suddenly feel this horrible loneliness seeping into me, and just feel so afraid that it will always be this way.
I know, I know.... its Christmas and I should be happy, besides I've got Shawn for another month anyhow right? But how much more attached to him will I feel after that month??