auralpleasure

First day of work today.

Also, why is it that my ex is still one of the only people who can make me feel bad about myself? Maybe we just have horrible communication. Maybe I'm just a complete dick to her and I'm unaware or don't care. It's not that I want to be friends with her. I just wish we were on better terms. I mean, her family lives across the street from me.

Sometimes I wonder if being this self-centered is a choice or just my default. Is this something I can help? Is it something I want to help? Am I just as shallow and self-centered as I feel on my worst days? I'm really not sure.

I have that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and deep in my heart.

I guess I no longer know how to approach her, even in an AIM conversation. It hurts to be talked to like that.

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With the ex, I just keep her on my buddy list for those rare occasions I feel I have something to say. I just wanted to sort of warn her that I worked at this store we both used to go to so it wasn't super awkward if she came in while I was working.

Oh, and it's been about two and a half years since we broke up, about the same amount of time we went out for.

I think I'll take her off my buddy list though. Regardless of whether I was being a dick or not, if all she wants to do is tell me how much of a dick I am, there's probably no room for any sort of pleasant conversation there.

On a better note, I worked only 2 hours today (to get trained) and I already love my new job.

I was trained by the girl that I know best there who used to give me discounts so it was really easy to feel at home. All the people there seem really cool. I love the store. I really think I'm going to love this job.