audioofambor

how can you ever love or trust anyone again
when you find out
that the only person you have ever really
cared about
trusted
opened up to
loved with every fibre of your being
[at a certain point in time]
was just full of shit
the whole time
and that their heart
always belonged
to someone else.

everyone thought i had trust issues before!!

this is so permenantly damaging i can't even believe it.

i am going to try my hardest to never trust or open up to or love anyone again. i was alot better when i used to be like that, before ryan happened to me.

i know i can't say i won't love ever again, but i am going to try my hardest.

i hate myself, i hate everyone, i most especially hate ryan.

i hope he's really fucking miserable.

i never deserved how he treated me, and he never deserved me.

all you people who said i was too good for him, it's good to know you were right all along!

and i guess the one good thing to come out of this is that i know i am not just insane and paranoid and mistrustful for no reason. all my fears and insecurities about myself, about ryan, about mankind, have all been 100% confirmed.

at least i can go down saying i was right.

now what.

*hate hate*

what a fucking waste of a first love.