dreamed last night about being outside an apartment complex with my mom, and she hadn't been able to find parking, so i asked her where the car was and it turned out she'd parked it (a big SUV) on the train tracks that ran behind the apartment complex. and naturally i was like "why did you do that?" ...a train started coming and she got really anxious, and wanted me to help her move the car since it wouldn't start anymore, and i was going to try and help but thought better of it and tried to get her to stop being stupid and stay off the tracks and just let it go. she was being pretty stupid about it, but it was a low-impact dream, i think i knew i would be able to interpret it pretty easily when i woke up and it wasn't really telling me anything new, so i was spared the bother of it being a nightmare and having to see my mom get hit by a train. i don't think she's gonna die or be too horribly broken up about it either, but in real life i can't get her to get off the damn tracks, so i just can't rip myself up about it anymore. is like the dream - i know she's in for a rough ride, but i think i've finally given up on torturing myself by proxy now that it's obvious that she simply can't bear to walk away.
dunno whether it was earlier or later in the dream, but there was also a bit where my mom and xie and fatespawn and i were driving around the suburbs in some car with the top down. my mom was driving, and we were going about in circles, but being really relaxed together and just chatting as we drove around nowhere. we passed the same house several times - it was a small house with the front yard entirely cluttered up with drab easter decorations as well as gingerbread and chocolate. on the second or third time we drove past it, i leaned out of the car to grab a piece of chocolate, but the car was going fast enough that i could only grab the first piece i saw. it turned out to be dark chocolate, which disappointed me, but i popped it in my mouth anyway... it tasted of dirt. partly because it was dark chocolate (blecch) but probably also cause it'd been sitting outside as part of the decorations for who knows how many days and had probably been rained on and dried out and rained on again during the course of em. so i was sitting there in the back right-most seat making a very exaggerated "yucky" face, because i really wanted to just spit the stuff out but wasn't sure if that'd be rude, under the circumstances. but everybody in the car laughed, and it was fine - they indicated both in words and hand motions that i could spit it out and none of them would mind. so i leaned out of the car and spat the bad chocolate onto the pavement, and settled back in my seat, and fatespawn related a humorous anecdote about how he always knew how to tell good chocolate. it doesn't make much sense, but i did in the dream i guess - somebody or other in his family (his grandfather?) gave him a great big bar of high-quality chocolate one time, and he broke off a square of it and threw it at his grandfather's head (at which point i got a very clear visual of the piece of chocolate striking his grandfather's bald head with some force and bouncing off - it didn't bother his grandfather at all, though - he's a nice man and seemed to take it as a matter of course). and somehow this explained how he could tell what was good chocolate.
the first part of the dream was easy - this second part i don't see quite as clearly. fatespawn's grandfather really does seem to be a nice guy, though - i've met him a few times, actually saw him today when we went up his way for easter. come to think of it, fatespawn's grandfather does send him some very nice care packages, many of which contain copious amounts of chocolate. dunno. my guess would be that something about my family's gone bad, because that's what most of my memorable dopey symbolic dreams come down to. fatespawn's family is very nice. though i must say, it was nice that the four of us were together and relaxed in that car, just chatting, even if we weren't going anyplace. and they said it was okay for me to spit out the chocolate. seems like a good sign. dunno where my dad was - whenever he turns up in my dreams he's still generally so angry he can't see straight. says a bit about both him and me... i think he gets to do double duty in those dreams both as the way he was, not so long ago, and the way i still feel towards him at least in part probably even now. but i think things are getting better for me. my parents, though, are both still miserable. like i said, they won't leave the damn SUV. but i don't know how any of that would work out anyway... david and koryn did come up during our dream-conversation going through the suburbs in the car, but they weren't actually anywhere to be seen.
kudos died sometime last night. is too bad. i'm still sad about it, but less so. i think also i tend to be really raw right after i spend any amount of time with my mom or dad, and i was still physically exhausted from a week of late nights and high stress and poor eating and little exercise. i'm glad that there was a conjunction of turmoils that let me let myself cry like a baby for a little while. yay for the emotional detox... i think i may be finally kind of getting the hang of some of this stuff. i miss kudos entirely on his own merit as well, though. am thinking perhaps i'll get a new fish... though it took me forever to give kudos a name. partly because i didn't want to care when he eventually died and partly because i didn't want to have another fish with a stupid name like 'bubbles.' so i'm not entirely sure how i'm gonna work such a thing, next time...
had lunch with fatespawn's family. lots of driving, but it was good to see them.
came back, played mage, and stayed up talking. i can hardly believe how late it is now... goodnight.
this past week was completely draining - each day felt like it was at least three days long. here's to this week being better.
dunno whether it was earlier or later in the dream, but there was also a bit where my mom and xie and fatespawn and i were driving around the suburbs in some car with the top down. my mom was driving, and we were going about in circles, but being really relaxed together and just chatting as we drove around nowhere. we passed the same house several times - it was a small house with the front yard entirely cluttered up with drab easter decorations as well as gingerbread and chocolate. on the second or third time we drove past it, i leaned out of the car to grab a piece of chocolate, but the car was going fast enough that i could only grab the first piece i saw. it turned out to be dark chocolate, which disappointed me, but i popped it in my mouth anyway... it tasted of dirt. partly because it was dark chocolate (blecch) but probably also cause it'd been sitting outside as part of the decorations for who knows how many days and had probably been rained on and dried out and rained on again during the course of em. so i was sitting there in the back right-most seat making a very exaggerated "yucky" face, because i really wanted to just spit the stuff out but wasn't sure if that'd be rude, under the circumstances. but everybody in the car laughed, and it was fine - they indicated both in words and hand motions that i could spit it out and none of them would mind. so i leaned out of the car and spat the bad chocolate onto the pavement, and settled back in my seat, and fatespawn related a humorous anecdote about how he always knew how to tell good chocolate. it doesn't make much sense, but i did in the dream i guess - somebody or other in his family (his grandfather?) gave him a great big bar of high-quality chocolate one time, and he broke off a square of it and threw it at his grandfather's head (at which point i got a very clear visual of the piece of chocolate striking his grandfather's bald head with some force and bouncing off - it didn't bother his grandfather at all, though - he's a nice man and seemed to take it as a matter of course). and somehow this explained how he could tell what was good chocolate.
the first part of the dream was easy - this second part i don't see quite as clearly. fatespawn's grandfather really does seem to be a nice guy, though - i've met him a few times, actually saw him today when we went up his way for easter. come to think of it, fatespawn's grandfather does send him some very nice care packages, many of which contain copious amounts of chocolate. dunno. my guess would be that something about my family's gone bad, because that's what most of my memorable dopey symbolic dreams come down to. fatespawn's family is very nice. though i must say, it was nice that the four of us were together and relaxed in that car, just chatting, even if we weren't going anyplace. and they said it was okay for me to spit out the chocolate. seems like a good sign. dunno where my dad was - whenever he turns up in my dreams he's still generally so angry he can't see straight. says a bit about both him and me... i think he gets to do double duty in those dreams both as the way he was, not so long ago, and the way i still feel towards him at least in part probably even now. but i think things are getting better for me. my parents, though, are both still miserable. like i said, they won't leave the damn SUV. but i don't know how any of that would work out anyway... david and koryn did come up during our dream-conversation going through the suburbs in the car, but they weren't actually anywhere to be seen.
kudos died sometime last night. is too bad. i'm still sad about it, but less so. i think also i tend to be really raw right after i spend any amount of time with my mom or dad, and i was still physically exhausted from a week of late nights and high stress and poor eating and little exercise. i'm glad that there was a conjunction of turmoils that let me let myself cry like a baby for a little while. yay for the emotional detox... i think i may be finally kind of getting the hang of some of this stuff. i miss kudos entirely on his own merit as well, though. am thinking perhaps i'll get a new fish... though it took me forever to give kudos a name. partly because i didn't want to care when he eventually died and partly because i didn't want to have another fish with a stupid name like 'bubbles.' so i'm not entirely sure how i'm gonna work such a thing, next time...
had lunch with fatespawn's family. lots of driving, but it was good to see them.
came back, played mage, and stayed up talking. i can hardly believe how late it is now... goodnight.
this past week was completely draining - each day felt like it was at least three days long. here's to this week being better.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
m0ngrel:
i like your changeling... very cool perspective.
shadowmancer:
Sorry about the fish. But if you do get a new one, you could always just call it 'fish'. (I'm hoping you get the reference 
)
)