aubli

i've got zen residue all over the inside of my brain. i can't think anymore - i just be. mmmm.

actually, it's probably just sleep dep, not zen-ness. but the not thinking part still holds.

i'm not actually gonna recap from yesterday - i guess those keywords will just have to tell their own story. ha!

today:

watched top gun for the first time, just now. still have that song about the "danger zone" stuck on repeat in my mind. gah! and fatespawn and i were going to watch batman tonight, but i saw myself in a bathroom mirror and realized i looked absolutely dead tired, and came to the logical conclusion that though i can't feel anything right now (i merely am), i probably am being absolutely dead tired.

so i'm going to sleep after this.

my two absolute favorite songs off the run lola run soundtrack: track 08 - "somebody has to pay," and track 09 - "wish" ("komm zu mir"). for a lot of my work time i listened to those two songs only, over and over again. have burned xie a copy (she's coming up here with our mother to visit tomorrow!) and affixed a sorry little homemade cd label to it - has printer lines in it and is affixed with ancient, slightly lumpy rubber cement... i need to buy new rubber cement. the stuff is useful.

ate the expensive kind of take-out sushi today! fatespawn got it for me. the sushi connosaurs (bah, can't be bothered to look it up right now, i know i've spelled it wrong but you can amuse yourself at my expense by imaging connosaurs of the paleolithic era stalking the earth with all their "-saur" friends) can laugh at me now - by "expensive" sushi i mean the kind that contains actual raw fish rather than just imitation crab. but i enjoyed it immensely nonetheless. my room is a dive - have to clean it before xie and the mother get here late tomorrow - and so i ended up setting the top half of the little tray take-out thing on the floor, figuring i'd know better than to step on it. not less than ten minutes later, i'd caught the edge of it with my foot as i stood up from my desk, sending soy sauce catapaulting into the air. my knees now smell vaguely of soy. i don't even normally eat soy sauce with my sushi... i really think i'm just gonna stick to complementing it with the wasabi and pickled ginger from now on.

i'm not all that pleased with the electric tears, but i'll wrap up on that tomorrow and then my special effects stint shall be done.

i really do look exhausted. my hair is clean, though. it looks more awake than i do.

tomorrow gonna see the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... the mother, xie and fatespawn will be there, and hopefully ariel too... must leave her a message after this.

and i have homework this weekend. and gonna join fatespawn on a sunday odyssey up to his parents' house on sunday. that'll be fun. i hope it stays fairly warm... there's been dire hints that coldness is to come.

i'm going to sleep now, and hope that i wake with my mental faculties restored. my sense of time has been completely thrown off, what with the double whammy of daylights saving time and hectic schedule of stress. eating's been weird, too, and i haven't been able to exercise between lack of time and lack of nourished healthy able to think straight-ness. bah. next week this shall be remedied.

the mother is bringing up my "good" clothes for my work wardrobe. my workplace at darden is nestled between a gym and a kick-ass trail i haven't gotten to explore much yet - i'm definitely going to bring clothes to sweat in to work every day this summer so i can just fit in moving about time right after work hours. i hope i don't have to iron my clothes or anything this summer. i don't own an iron. but it'll be a vast improvement if i simply master the art of the hanger. it's so simple, so why do i wade through fabric every time i cross between my door and the desk?

fatespawn might get a job at the local pet store this summer... cross your fingers for him - it's the kind of work he'd absolutely love. though i do worry that he might end up getting paid in newts or somesuch...

ah, one thing from yesterday, though - that past night i dreamed about being chased by the technocracy. wasn't a nightmare or anysuch either, just an entertaining, adventure-movie sort of dream, and i woke up terrifically amused at myself for having dreamt such a thing at all. though i have noticed i'm getting a bit weirdish lately, as evidenced by my issues with walking on the grass. that other time it was walking on the grass when the black sedans passed and worrying about what my supervisor would think; this most recent time i was passing by a big dirty ol van with an old hippy-ish guy in it, and as i crossed behind it there was a place where my normal walking path would've taken me onto the grass for a short while. but i swerved to avoid it, because i thought to myself: the hippie will see me walk on the grass in his side rear view mirror and see me obliviously, self-centeredly treading upon it roughshod, and he'll come to the conclusion that i don't care about killing the grass. i actually am highly ambivalent about walking on the grass, because i enjoy going through it, walking in places that are not completely paved and flat, but i see the worn down dirt tracks where legions of us have worn the grass clean away and fel a little guilty about it. all of which shows a distressing amount of self-importance on my part. neither the hippie, nor the sedan drivers, not my supervisor, nor any of you probably care much whether i walk on the grass or not. why these weird hang-ups of mine surface and emerge from time to time is a thing i'll never know.

um, yes: goodnight.