am eating "vegetarian sandwich with fresh mozzarella, spring lettuce, tomato, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and pepper" and breaking my promise of not making any posts today. this is a very good sandwich - the mozzarella is of the special kind that's almost a bit doughy and always cut in thick slabs, and there are green and purple leaves that are still crunchy even though they were in my refrigerator awhile.
am writing because i am pissed off. the roommate of the girl who helped my dye my hair yesterday wrote a journal entry elsewhere about how she's irritated that i've copied her style by dying my hair similarly... i could see where she's coming from, but she hasn't even seen how my hair turned out. it looks nothing like her hair. and i wasn't setting out to copy her style, thankyouverymuch, i was trying to figure out a way to dye my hair without making my mother cry. and what's more, i've decided that well, it is after all my hair, and my mother probably will not cry all that much, and i just don't feel like waiting till after graduation. so i'm going to dye the rest of my hair soon, as in probably two weeks from now. so i won't be infringing upon her uniqueness, however invisibly, for much longer.
it just peeves me. i am not a copycat sort, and i wouldn't want to look like her even if i could. i commented back to her in her journal letting her know that i didn't mean to be disrespectful, and my hair came out looking entirely different from hers, and i'm dying the remainder of it soon anyway. i won't be very surprised if she doesn't respond, but i wish she would because it still bothers me.
and it bothers me mostly because it does make me mad... sure, it annoys a bit that she would think i was copying and that she'd post it in a public journal and perhaps never mention it to me, the only person who can do anything about it. but what really bothers me is feeling myself being mad, and thinking catty thoughts, like that she's perhaps a little insecure in her uniqueness, there, and that she also has a horribly weak chin and i'm damn glad that i look only and entirely like me, colored hair or no. piss off!
i should not think such things - it's horribly unproductive. that's why the comment i posted was nice and logical and conciliatory. went to the gym afterwards and as i ran thought "i hate conflict! i hate conflict!"
but really it's almost a little invigorating. it bothers me a lot. because some times it seems like it would feel great to spit bile at the people who upset me and chase them, growling, off into the woods.
mm, that's good, i just got myself to laugh. i'd just opened up the imaginary combat arena in my head (something i have not done in years) and was thinking that i could probably take her... it would come to that since she wouldn't run off into the woods very easily, she strikes me as too stubborn and angry herself. but then i rethought a moment, as her boyfriend's been teaching her knifefighting, and he's good at that. but then i recalled her weak chin and my confidence was restored, and that's what made me laugh. i have entirely too much disrespect for weak chins (which, btw, surely have much less to do with one's fighting mettle and abilities as the crazy unlogical end of me believes), and it would so serve me right if she kicked my ass.
i work so very hard to trick myself into being easy going all the time. but deep down i guess i'm not. i think to myself that i'm probably lucky that i wasn't born a boy, because i would've gotten myself into such trouble. and then i get pissed off again, as though to say to myself, "what? you don't think i could handle it? fuck you!" and i can't help but note wryly that that seems a tad over-macho. perhaps we're compensating for a little uncertainty here? how am i ever to get along?
am i those still waters running deep, that all this splashing about down there so rarely even ripples my surface? heh.
and why can't i get off this frigging water kick i'm on?
at any rate, i send this girl a virtual kick in the butt.
and yeah, i'll post pics later, though there isn't all that much to see as of yet. now i'm even more eager to dye the rest of my hair. copying, my ass.
am writing because i am pissed off. the roommate of the girl who helped my dye my hair yesterday wrote a journal entry elsewhere about how she's irritated that i've copied her style by dying my hair similarly... i could see where she's coming from, but she hasn't even seen how my hair turned out. it looks nothing like her hair. and i wasn't setting out to copy her style, thankyouverymuch, i was trying to figure out a way to dye my hair without making my mother cry. and what's more, i've decided that well, it is after all my hair, and my mother probably will not cry all that much, and i just don't feel like waiting till after graduation. so i'm going to dye the rest of my hair soon, as in probably two weeks from now. so i won't be infringing upon her uniqueness, however invisibly, for much longer.
it just peeves me. i am not a copycat sort, and i wouldn't want to look like her even if i could. i commented back to her in her journal letting her know that i didn't mean to be disrespectful, and my hair came out looking entirely different from hers, and i'm dying the remainder of it soon anyway. i won't be very surprised if she doesn't respond, but i wish she would because it still bothers me.
and it bothers me mostly because it does make me mad... sure, it annoys a bit that she would think i was copying and that she'd post it in a public journal and perhaps never mention it to me, the only person who can do anything about it. but what really bothers me is feeling myself being mad, and thinking catty thoughts, like that she's perhaps a little insecure in her uniqueness, there, and that she also has a horribly weak chin and i'm damn glad that i look only and entirely like me, colored hair or no. piss off!
i should not think such things - it's horribly unproductive. that's why the comment i posted was nice and logical and conciliatory. went to the gym afterwards and as i ran thought "i hate conflict! i hate conflict!"
but really it's almost a little invigorating. it bothers me a lot. because some times it seems like it would feel great to spit bile at the people who upset me and chase them, growling, off into the woods.
mm, that's good, i just got myself to laugh. i'd just opened up the imaginary combat arena in my head (something i have not done in years) and was thinking that i could probably take her... it would come to that since she wouldn't run off into the woods very easily, she strikes me as too stubborn and angry herself. but then i rethought a moment, as her boyfriend's been teaching her knifefighting, and he's good at that. but then i recalled her weak chin and my confidence was restored, and that's what made me laugh. i have entirely too much disrespect for weak chins (which, btw, surely have much less to do with one's fighting mettle and abilities as the crazy unlogical end of me believes), and it would so serve me right if she kicked my ass.
i work so very hard to trick myself into being easy going all the time. but deep down i guess i'm not. i think to myself that i'm probably lucky that i wasn't born a boy, because i would've gotten myself into such trouble. and then i get pissed off again, as though to say to myself, "what? you don't think i could handle it? fuck you!" and i can't help but note wryly that that seems a tad over-macho. perhaps we're compensating for a little uncertainty here? how am i ever to get along?
am i those still waters running deep, that all this splashing about down there so rarely even ripples my surface? heh.
and why can't i get off this frigging water kick i'm on?
at any rate, i send this girl a virtual kick in the butt.
and yeah, i'll post pics later, though there isn't all that much to see as of yet. now i'm even more eager to dye the rest of my hair. copying, my ass.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
anyways.. ehh.. i don't think it's likely that you could come, nor have us crash at your place, as the concert is in philadelphia -- which is a five hour drive from here.. and i think you are three hours from here, in a different direction. i'm gonna need to get a hotel somewhere in philly too.. but luckily, my friend kAt-baby + her friend are going to the show, so i think we're gonna split a room.
i showed the mother the box of fushia highlight stuff.. she didn't seem to have a problem with it.. she seems very backwards about all that though -- she didn't want me to do it in highschool so as not to give the wrong impression, but in college it's okay... wtf? i thought it was supposed to be in HS you can go around looking like a punk and then when you grow up, look uber-professional.. no comprende...