atti

Wow, it's been almost three months since I've been a member of this commnity and I haven't posted a blog yet. Hmm, maybe it's because I haven't had much to ramble on about in the last few months... that or I just haven't felt like displaying it for the world to dissect, ridicule or judge me for. I've had enough of that lately and I think that there has to be a border between the real world and the "internet" image that some people have. I mean on the interweb anyone can re-create themselves easily. And to an extent people do..

Anywho, whats new in my life. It's turkey day (gobble gobble) and that means that I get to fill up this skinny body with lots of good, home-cooked food prepared my grandmother, who i'm convinced will cook for her family of twenty-something until she literally falls over dead in the kitchen. She is the most stubborn german woman i've ever known but I love her all the same. I get to play big-cousin today too. Since I'm one of the eldest cousins, I"ll have a pack of little cousins following me around like a litter of lost puppies. It's cute, yet sometimes I just want to lay on the couch and pass the fuck out from all the turkey I'm going to eat.

What else can I divulge... I'm about ready to turn 23.. thats exciting right? Probably not. lets see... right now in my life I'm single, don't have a degree, nor a career and I'm about to be 23 while all of my friends are either married or engaged with some sort of stable job. I'm glad that I get to balance things out with my under-exerted laziness. I wouldn't want to align myself with the rest of the normal world by being a productive member of society. Can't have that, I have to represent my lazy, procrastinating brothers and sisters of the world and lay around on my ass with the best of them. Laying in bed writing this blog is my revolt against any sort of movement towards productivity.

Lately I've had the biggest desire to move away from Iowa and just dig my roots somewhere completely new where I know absolutely no one. Just to immerse myself somewhere that has no support nearby... that will force me to survive without the help of my family or friends. It's almost something that I have to do to prove to myself that I can survive without the help of others. Dont' get me wrong, I love my family and friends, but after a while they seem to almost be a safety blanket that you don't want to let go. It becomes almost a part of you, an extension of who you are until you are known as being that person that can't live independently. Thats an image I'd rather strip off of myself. Yet I'm not sure really what image I want to embody. I'm not sure of anything at this point. My life in the past two months has been flipped upside down and shaken around like a martinni, yet it doesn't taste as good. Looking back I'm not disappointed with the decisions I made that led me to where I am currently, although I think that some choices could have been made to ease the pain of my transition.

I apologize for being too broad and vague with what I'm talking about but it is hard for me to open up the burried treasure that is my life for the world to gasp and gawk at. I can't even talk to my closest friends about what is going on, and to me that isn't right. Perhaps its because they all moved away and started their own lives without me. These were the people that you couldn't go a day without stopping by their apartment for a glass of wine or a cup of coffee at the corner cafe. These were the people that you could literally have a conversation with about the most random subject and still talk for hours. Yet now we are all grown up, scattered in the wind by fate and chance and here I am... still kicking it in Iowa: corn country. The place where nothing changes and people seem to flee away from.

My apologies SG friends, hopefully in the future I will be a little more cohesive with the blog writing. It's because I"m a novelist and I tend to get a little wordy with my thoughts. Best wishes to you all who actually stuck it out and read this whole thing. Happy gobble gobble day.

Be safe.