I have returned to the calm of my little oasis and no longer feel the need for company like I did last night. I went to an industry bash and can't for the sake of sanity remember the last time so many creepy hoochies hit on me. Guys and girls all mmnngghaaahhh, you know that sound you make when really disturbing shit presents itself. I feel dirty for just having been ogled by them and dirtier for thinking some of them might have been ok. In my defense it was an open bar all night long and my vision was corrupted. No I did not go home with anyone but myself and actually feel pretty damn good about it, even if I feel I really deserve a good hard shag.
This week is going to be difficult as I've got 2 more events like this and a couple more next week. Hoochies really scare me, there is something weird about them and not in a good way I can relate to but something other perhaps just slightly out of my frame of reference. Kissing hot boys not so weird, hoochies strange crawly feeling, Boy toy for small close group of girlfriends ok, Hoochie lovin' gives me willies, I actually had some girl grab my package tonight, no witty comment, no slightly coy teasingly derogatory banter just a grab on the pass by. What the fuck? I mean it's not hard to see, dark blue hair, lots of earings, confidant sexual manner; perhaps I require more than cleavage and giggles to get me off?!! Sure attention is good but the right kind of attention can make your night and the wrong kind; well.... can ruin it. Tie in all this and a really confusing friend who seems at odds with being hot for me and being my friend, aauugh She is great to hang out with and super hot and lots of fun but no spark. Da fire inna da belly, she's a missing, and that's something important to me, that connection, the fire of life as i's known in some cultures that tells you you're alive.
That is perhaps what I'm missing; not just the sex although like I said I really deserve a good hard shag, but that connection with someone that lights you up when they enter the room, the electrical feeling when they are close to you like all your hair standing on end and doing the cancan. That's what I want, tha'ts what i miss and need; fuck, just to have somebody light me up like a flashing neon sign by whispering in my ear.
God damn maybe I think too much, today I was feeling like I should return to days of old when I slept around and had close contact with a few people but I couldn't figure out if I was feeling that way due to my need for constant physical contact which I'm missing or the inability of a relationship to last, which they've never done. I'ld love to belong to just one person and have it work, not roses all the time but good solid communication and mutual desire, need, respect, fucking animal want, with wit and humour.............. Fuck I might as well wish for the lottery and a carjacking by aliens caught on the 6 o'clock news.
FUCK IT!!!
Bahhh solitary confinement till the world figures out what the fuck it wants and whether or not I'm on it's list of desires. All I can say is; it better be me, 20 million dollars, a plane to a tropical country without extradition and hopefully Dia and anyone she wants. I mean come on the brain in that gorgeous body is easily a priceless treasure, and then there is the gorgeous body;..... enough said.
I got dreamin' to do. Like I haven't been already.
This week is going to be difficult as I've got 2 more events like this and a couple more next week. Hoochies really scare me, there is something weird about them and not in a good way I can relate to but something other perhaps just slightly out of my frame of reference. Kissing hot boys not so weird, hoochies strange crawly feeling, Boy toy for small close group of girlfriends ok, Hoochie lovin' gives me willies, I actually had some girl grab my package tonight, no witty comment, no slightly coy teasingly derogatory banter just a grab on the pass by. What the fuck? I mean it's not hard to see, dark blue hair, lots of earings, confidant sexual manner; perhaps I require more than cleavage and giggles to get me off?!! Sure attention is good but the right kind of attention can make your night and the wrong kind; well.... can ruin it. Tie in all this and a really confusing friend who seems at odds with being hot for me and being my friend, aauugh She is great to hang out with and super hot and lots of fun but no spark. Da fire inna da belly, she's a missing, and that's something important to me, that connection, the fire of life as i's known in some cultures that tells you you're alive.
That is perhaps what I'm missing; not just the sex although like I said I really deserve a good hard shag, but that connection with someone that lights you up when they enter the room, the electrical feeling when they are close to you like all your hair standing on end and doing the cancan. That's what I want, tha'ts what i miss and need; fuck, just to have somebody light me up like a flashing neon sign by whispering in my ear.
God damn maybe I think too much, today I was feeling like I should return to days of old when I slept around and had close contact with a few people but I couldn't figure out if I was feeling that way due to my need for constant physical contact which I'm missing or the inability of a relationship to last, which they've never done. I'ld love to belong to just one person and have it work, not roses all the time but good solid communication and mutual desire, need, respect, fucking animal want, with wit and humour.............. Fuck I might as well wish for the lottery and a carjacking by aliens caught on the 6 o'clock news.
FUCK IT!!!
Bahhh solitary confinement till the world figures out what the fuck it wants and whether or not I'm on it's list of desires. All I can say is; it better be me, 20 million dollars, a plane to a tropical country without extradition and hopefully Dia and anyone she wants. I mean come on the brain in that gorgeous body is easily a priceless treasure, and then there is the gorgeous body;..... enough said.
I got dreamin' to do. Like I haven't been already.