ataxia

a piece of my soul:

a few weeks before my wedding i was inspired?...no that word doesnt feel right... compelled to write a prayer. now mind you, i'm not a prayer writing girl. this was officially my first. it came out of nowhere (i think i was making little favor thingies for the wedding) and i scribbled it down on a sheet of used paper. it came from the first word to the last with no thought of censoring or questioning. i put it aside and did not think of it again. as i've said before the wedding was especially stressful with respect to my family.
then the shit hit the fan.
at the moment i thought i couldn't take anymore....i found the prayer. i dont think i need to explain how i felt after i reread it. see for yourself.....

lord allow me to experience it all--give it to me. i want the disquiet, the strife, the pain, the chaos, and the discontent. allow me to surrender myself to all these things. for in the absence of these i will know no joy. so i ask you now, lord, make me hurt...for i will not always have the strength to ask for it.