Thursday Jan 22, 2004

0
Well things are exactly normally comfortable for me right now. It's not that anyone thing changed, it's just the whole tilt of life has just that, shifted. I'm in a stage were I'm teetering on the ledge of my future and my completely confused past. I'm not trying to be over dramatic or even cynical, I'm just being blunt. I have many things in my life right now that I'm proud of and happy for, but then there's the uncertainties, the longings and the path that I'm to follow. I have a job, health, friends(though they're far and few between), a loving, extremely supportive(so so on the emotional end) family and an education. But, I want more, not in a selfish way either. I've been told my whole existance that I could be this, or I have the abilities and talent to do that. I'm smart enough, blessed with god-given skills and savviness and yet I flounder. I'm missing the big picture and no matter how hard I squint, I'm just not seeing pass the blurry enclosure I've undoubtly created for myself. I know I've said things to a few of you about numerous issues I've had, requesting guidance and insight, but I seriously need much more direction. A swift kick in my ass so hard it sends the piss poor attitude, weighting me down, right out of me. I want to pursue a positively rich and fulfilling future, scratch that I need to pursue a future filled with meaning and hope. I have a lot to change about myself and setting goals, getting organized are just the formulated responses. I'd like to hear good things and bad things about what you know about me. This is an open ended Criticism, and I need to hear things I might not want to hear, but don't bash me either, I need to know what do do right. Please.
syberea:
ok then.
i think that you have enormous talent and insight but you sell yourself short. i think on some strange level you are not willing to take responsibility for the fact that you have this talent. you want this life that you seek, this happiness and fullfillment to land on your lap because you are not willing to go and actively persue the things that you may or may not have admitted that you want. perhaps you ar ento really clear what it is that will make you happy and fullfilled , in that case i would suggest going out and finding things and trying things and eventually you will land on something that fits. life isnt one storybook ending where all of a sudden you are going to be happy because something worked. i think this is really just a matter of you taking an active part in your own happiness and not waiting for it to come to you, because it isnt going to....if you are feeling unhappy about your life you only have yourslef to blame and only yourself can alter that. you just have to be fearless, this is your life here.
i think that is all i have to say for now.

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