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astrokreep23

The suburbs of Hell, near the 7-11

Member Since 2003

Followers 27 Following 7

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Friday May 16, 2003

May 16, 2003
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Story Time!
Warning: Bitterness and Whining Ahead!

Once when I was young and impetuous I was foolishish enough to cast my loner tendancies aside for a girl. We used to talk until 4 in morning on the phone about things we thought nobody else understood. Her mother could always tell when she was talking to me because she laughed so much when we talked.

Anywho... before She drove me insane and taught me how Harsh love could be we used to play a little game. It was called "I'm going to call you back." Here's how it might go. Picture me on the phone with her.

Her: Oh, I have to take the trash out real quick, Can I call you back?
Me: Yea, sure, when?
Her: In like Five minutes?
Me: Ok, but do you promise?
Her: Yea, I promise.
Me: Do you swear?
Her: Yes, I swear I will call you back!
Me: Ok...Talk to you in FIVE minutes?
Her: (Laughter) Yes, five minutes, bye.

And of course she would never call back. This happened at least 30 times, and I can only recall one instance when she actually DID call me back.
Ok there is a point to all this. It is to explain that I have a somewhat irrational hangup about people (girls I like mostly) not calling me back. My mind translates it as "Fuck off, I'm just toying with you."
Now I realise that this isn't always the case, but I'm always suspicious. Since I know I have this irrational reaction I'm never sure what the rational repsonse of a sane person should be. I mean when I cal my gal and she says "I'm watching a movie, can I call you back?" I actually expect to hear from her sometime in the next two or three hours. I especially expect this when I call her at a pre designated time which we both agreed upon during our prior, albeit brief, conversation. We were going to make plans for Tonight.
So now I'm bothered, and my mind wonders what I'm doing with this girl. This has to be the most casual relationship ever. I've seen her once in the past two weeks. It's just a strange and akward social arrangement, in which you have two people who are going out but aren't comfortable with each other.
So I've decided that things need to change. I either need grab this relationship by the balls and make it go somewhere and mean something or I need to let it go. If I can't do something right I'm not going to do it at all.

*Sigh*

End Rant.
lotus:
*kiss* good luck sweets.

As a side note: are you sure your relationship has balls? I mean, when I think of the word "relationship" I think feminine... that's just me. wink
May 16, 2003
demoivre:
I spent a number of relationships in the same type of boat. Then I decided to try something. I stopped leaving myself out so far emotionally. It was like many of the girls thought that because I was so emotionally open, that I was all about being walked on. So I stopped. Whenever I found myself teetering on being overly emotional and overly attached, I just sat in zazen or went for a run--anything to take my mind off of her. After several "practice runs" this seems to have worked. Mara and I have been together for over three years, no games. That I know of. wink

Oh, PS--K. says pull your head out. And he got the Matrix tickets. biggrin

Yep, although I'm gonna be brain dead. I've got two exams on Monday, a final on Thursday and another final on Friday. Bleh.

[Edited on May 16, 2003]
May 16, 2003

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