hey, here is a story about something i did recently. note: no dolphins were puked on in the making of this story.
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when i was in Kaikoura, New Zealand, i signed up for a "swim with wild dolphins" tour called Dolphin Encounter. the way these tours work is this: they put you on a boat with some tour guides and you ride out to sea in search of a dolphin pod. once you find one, you take photos and get a little commentary on the lives and habits of the dusky dolphins, gorgeous creatures with grey-blue backs and white bellies, about a metre or two in length. then you jump into the water (wearing a wetsuit and snorkel) and swim around with the dolphins, trying to get their attention by making noises and swimming in circles.
the morning our boat set out, it took almost an hour to find the dolphins. "we saw them earlier this morning," said the tour guide, looking worried. "they were moving south very quickly, but hopefully they'll come back up north in a bit. we will do our very best," she said, meaning "you won't get your money back or anything." still, my friend vincent and i were enormously excited. "we're looking for dusky dolphins!" we cried, as the boat bumped along the waves and vincent made a little video on his camera. the water was looking rough, though, and soon, so was i.
i was getting horribly seasick.
"look, there they are!" someone had spotted the dolphins. everyone scrambled on deck. photos were taken, and after the tour guides gave their talk ("dolphins are quite promiscuous..."), it was time to get in the water. i'd been cowering down below, content to see the occasional fin go by and a jump or flip in the distance. how i convinced myself to get off the boat, i'm not sure. nausea had a firm grip on me and every instinct told me to just stay still and visualize being on dry land. then i heard my mom's voice in my head. "ay-yah, you waste 95 dollars on what?" that was that. i tottered to the edge of the boat, donned my mask, and slid gingerly into the waves. in less than a minute, my lips were salty and i was bobbing face down in freezing cold water. anxiety rippled through my chest as i breathed through the plastic tube and my scuba phobias came back. i felt woozy. my pulse raced. it was time to get with the dolphins.
"ee-ee-ee!" i managed feebly. "ooo-oo-ooo!"
the dolphins took one look at me and fled. one whizzed by below me, then another, close enough to make me gasp into my snorkel. water trickled into my mouth. i popped my head up in time to see a fin gliding by on the surface. "stay away from that one! she's gonna hurl!" they were saying. they're not stupid, dolphins. i hear they're smarter than humans.
i couldn't take it anymorei had to get out of there. taking slow, calming breaths to keep my panic at bay (i didn't want to risk another "thrashing incident"), i hauled my sorry ass back to the boat, where the tour guide came over to check me out. "you okay?" she said gruffly, without a hint of sympathy. "um, fine, just a bit seasick," i said with what i thought was dignityi wasn't about to tell her the whole dumb scuba story. she looked almost pissed off. "GOD!!" she was probably thinking, "we go through all this effort to take these STUPID people out to swim with the BLOODY dolphins, and they don't even get in the FUCKING water." i swear she rolled her eyes. yep, this cold bitch had probably seen it all. i felt small and sheepish.
that's when i looked over and saw a woman puking heavily into a bucket. oh my god, i had to get out of there. if i caught even a tiny whiff of vomit, i was finished. there'd be a nasty scene in which i puke up my breakfast off the side of the boat, the dolphins vanish instantly, and i'd be known as "that girl who RUINED the trip." i scrambled quickly over to the other side of the boat, sneaking quick glances at the pukey girl. Cold Bitch was changing the bucket.
a horn sounded, the signal for the group to return to the boat. "okay, everyone on board," directed Cold Bitch. "we're going to move the boat a bit and then we'll give you another go." vincent climbed up onto the boat next to me. our legs dangled off the back as the propeller started up and the boat roared to life, churning up the water under us and spraying our fins. the second time in, i felt calmer and warmer. dolphins were still darting past me, but i felt a little giddy now, a little proud of myself for being here in kilometre-deep water with wild dolphins and not freaking out. it was breathtaking, and not in a bad way.
i didn't say much on the ride backjust kept my eyes up, trying to ignore the thick, milky smell of the hot chocolate being passed around. "how are you feeling?" asked vincent. "can't talk, must keep looking at mountains," i said, staring intently at dry land. the boat continued north along the coast.
hours later, when my appetite returned, vincent and i chatted about the whole experience over a plate of eggs benedict. "it was so amazing," sighed vincent. "i made eye contact." apparently the dolphins near him had stopped and circled around and looked him in the face and everything! oh well. i'm not finished yet. i will conquer the water someday. i still haven't tried surfing.
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when i was in Kaikoura, New Zealand, i signed up for a "swim with wild dolphins" tour called Dolphin Encounter. the way these tours work is this: they put you on a boat with some tour guides and you ride out to sea in search of a dolphin pod. once you find one, you take photos and get a little commentary on the lives and habits of the dusky dolphins, gorgeous creatures with grey-blue backs and white bellies, about a metre or two in length. then you jump into the water (wearing a wetsuit and snorkel) and swim around with the dolphins, trying to get their attention by making noises and swimming in circles.
the morning our boat set out, it took almost an hour to find the dolphins. "we saw them earlier this morning," said the tour guide, looking worried. "they were moving south very quickly, but hopefully they'll come back up north in a bit. we will do our very best," she said, meaning "you won't get your money back or anything." still, my friend vincent and i were enormously excited. "we're looking for dusky dolphins!" we cried, as the boat bumped along the waves and vincent made a little video on his camera. the water was looking rough, though, and soon, so was i.
i was getting horribly seasick.
"look, there they are!" someone had spotted the dolphins. everyone scrambled on deck. photos were taken, and after the tour guides gave their talk ("dolphins are quite promiscuous..."), it was time to get in the water. i'd been cowering down below, content to see the occasional fin go by and a jump or flip in the distance. how i convinced myself to get off the boat, i'm not sure. nausea had a firm grip on me and every instinct told me to just stay still and visualize being on dry land. then i heard my mom's voice in my head. "ay-yah, you waste 95 dollars on what?" that was that. i tottered to the edge of the boat, donned my mask, and slid gingerly into the waves. in less than a minute, my lips were salty and i was bobbing face down in freezing cold water. anxiety rippled through my chest as i breathed through the plastic tube and my scuba phobias came back. i felt woozy. my pulse raced. it was time to get with the dolphins.
"ee-ee-ee!" i managed feebly. "ooo-oo-ooo!"
the dolphins took one look at me and fled. one whizzed by below me, then another, close enough to make me gasp into my snorkel. water trickled into my mouth. i popped my head up in time to see a fin gliding by on the surface. "stay away from that one! she's gonna hurl!" they were saying. they're not stupid, dolphins. i hear they're smarter than humans.
i couldn't take it anymorei had to get out of there. taking slow, calming breaths to keep my panic at bay (i didn't want to risk another "thrashing incident"), i hauled my sorry ass back to the boat, where the tour guide came over to check me out. "you okay?" she said gruffly, without a hint of sympathy. "um, fine, just a bit seasick," i said with what i thought was dignityi wasn't about to tell her the whole dumb scuba story. she looked almost pissed off. "GOD!!" she was probably thinking, "we go through all this effort to take these STUPID people out to swim with the BLOODY dolphins, and they don't even get in the FUCKING water." i swear she rolled her eyes. yep, this cold bitch had probably seen it all. i felt small and sheepish.
that's when i looked over and saw a woman puking heavily into a bucket. oh my god, i had to get out of there. if i caught even a tiny whiff of vomit, i was finished. there'd be a nasty scene in which i puke up my breakfast off the side of the boat, the dolphins vanish instantly, and i'd be known as "that girl who RUINED the trip." i scrambled quickly over to the other side of the boat, sneaking quick glances at the pukey girl. Cold Bitch was changing the bucket.
a horn sounded, the signal for the group to return to the boat. "okay, everyone on board," directed Cold Bitch. "we're going to move the boat a bit and then we'll give you another go." vincent climbed up onto the boat next to me. our legs dangled off the back as the propeller started up and the boat roared to life, churning up the water under us and spraying our fins. the second time in, i felt calmer and warmer. dolphins were still darting past me, but i felt a little giddy now, a little proud of myself for being here in kilometre-deep water with wild dolphins and not freaking out. it was breathtaking, and not in a bad way.
i didn't say much on the ride backjust kept my eyes up, trying to ignore the thick, milky smell of the hot chocolate being passed around. "how are you feeling?" asked vincent. "can't talk, must keep looking at mountains," i said, staring intently at dry land. the boat continued north along the coast.
hours later, when my appetite returned, vincent and i chatted about the whole experience over a plate of eggs benedict. "it was so amazing," sighed vincent. "i made eye contact." apparently the dolphins near him had stopped and circled around and looked him in the face and everything! oh well. i'm not finished yet. i will conquer the water someday. i still haven't tried surfing.
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