ooh! say hello to uberllama!!
so, "news"...
1. i got stuck in a shirt while trying it on last week. yup. there i stood with the shirt bunched up under my armpits, no bra on, the seams straining under the pressure of my shoulders, me getting sweatier by the minute. the more i yanked at it, the more the shirt stuck to me.
i thought about crying for help, but i didn't wanted to be forever branded by the sales clerks there as "the girl with the tits who got stuck in the shirt." so i pulled the shirt down, put my jacket on over top, walked out of the dressing room, and said, "I LOVE IT. CAN I BUY IT RIGHT NOW AND WEAR IT OUT OF THE STORE?"
2. last week, while out at a club night with some friends, i tripped over a speaker/monitor on the dance floor, flipped over backwards in spectacular fashion, and landed on my ass. "it was so graceful," said my friend marnie, "like an arc!" someone else said, "yeah, and you laughed all the way down!" i'm never doing that disco move again.
wanna see my bruises?
3. on tuesday karaoke night, a drunken old perv at the bar said to me, "is it weird that i'm having schoolgirl fantasies about you?" i should have said, "is it weird that i'm kicking you in the nuts??" but one never thinks of these things fast enough!
so, "news"...
1. i got stuck in a shirt while trying it on last week. yup. there i stood with the shirt bunched up under my armpits, no bra on, the seams straining under the pressure of my shoulders, me getting sweatier by the minute. the more i yanked at it, the more the shirt stuck to me.
i thought about crying for help, but i didn't wanted to be forever branded by the sales clerks there as "the girl with the tits who got stuck in the shirt." so i pulled the shirt down, put my jacket on over top, walked out of the dressing room, and said, "I LOVE IT. CAN I BUY IT RIGHT NOW AND WEAR IT OUT OF THE STORE?"
2. last week, while out at a club night with some friends, i tripped over a speaker/monitor on the dance floor, flipped over backwards in spectacular fashion, and landed on my ass. "it was so graceful," said my friend marnie, "like an arc!" someone else said, "yeah, and you laughed all the way down!" i'm never doing that disco move again.
wanna see my bruises?
3. on tuesday karaoke night, a drunken old perv at the bar said to me, "is it weird that i'm having schoolgirl fantasies about you?" i should have said, "is it weird that i'm kicking you in the nuts??" but one never thinks of these things fast enough!
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
my dreams have normalized and sleeping on a real bed is awfully nice.
awfully.